Nexus
by Akuni-A
Summary: A postwar mission helps allies forge new bonds. [Pairing: RenjixIchigo. First in the Amaranthine series.]
1. Chapter 1 Renewal

I did it! I finally finished this story! pant pant It took over a month - partly because work was kicking my ass, but mostly because it just demanded so much more detail and depth than I'd originally planned. Who am I to argue with the muse?

**Title:** Nexus  
**Author:** Akuni  
**Genre:** Drama/Romance  
**Rating:** M for 'Much Smut'  
**Pairing:** Renji/Ichigo  
**Spoilers:** read through Soul Society & Arrancar Arcs  
**Word Count(total):** 20,500 (omfg!)  
**Word Count(chapter):** 3000

** Disclaimer:** I do not own Bleach, I'm just borrowing it for a while.  
**Distribution:** Also posted to my LJ & comms (kurosakiclinic, bleachyaoi, and renxichi). Please ask if you want to share it :)

** Dedication:** To all fellow Renji/Ichigo fangirls/guys out there. We know it's impossible, we know it's silly, and we know it's _damned hot!_

** A/N:** My Bleach OTP is RenRuki, but I'm hooked on fandom Renji/Ichigo (ya ya I say this for each story, so what! ) After much blushing and chickening out (and wine), I managed to write the smut. Go me! Why is it so much harder to write than to read? Although come to think of it, the first time I read RenjixIchigo smut I did so peering between my fingers as I covered my eyes, and I'm pretty sure all the blood in my body was in my face - that might explain the swooning.

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Chapter 1 – Renewal**

The Soul Society was enjoying a time of relative peace. The terrible conflict precipitated by the former captain Aizen had ended years previously, and the reorganization of Soul Society operations was complete. Without any more pressing business, the Gotei 13 began tackling other issues that had been piling up unattended.

Such as the Soul Society being woefully out of touch with the living world. The information they had was decades old, and shinigami who needed to blend in… well, they just _didn't_. This matter was brought up at one of the captains' meetings, and the decision was made to enlist the help of one Kurosaki Ichigo to bring their understanding of the modern living world up to speed.

They even remembered to _ask_ Ichigo if he would do them the favour, which he thought was decent of them. Of course, they had plenty of reason to be 'decent' to him, seeing as how he had played such a large part in helping defeat the traitor Aizen and his crew and restore peace to the Soul Society three years ago. He arranged to take the summer term off from his college classes after exams in order to accommodate the request; he was tired, and could definitely use the break. Though he was only called out to fight Hollows in an emergency – which didn't happen very often at all due to the efficient reorganization of patrols – Ichigo hadn't slept well since the war.

So when Ichigo heard a noise on the roof and a tap on the solitary window in his flat, it didn't particularly surprise him.

"Yeah, it's open, c'mon in." Ichigo wondered just who they had sent him to 'teach' about the living world.

What did surprise him was that the figure that leaped neatly through his window sported a shocking-red spiky ponytail and looked a hell of a lot like Abarai Renji. But they wouldn't send… they _couldn't_ have sent…

"Yo, Ichigo!" Unbelievable. There was no mistaking the shinigami who stood in his tiny flat, grinning at him. The clothes alone made it obvious – Rukia must've been involved again, he'd put money on it.

"What the hell are you doing here!" The words flew out of Ichigo's mouth before he could stop them. He grimaced, and raised a hand in silent apology.

"Che. Nice way t' greet an old friend." Renji was still grinning at him like a fool. "Lucky for you I got a thick skin, or I might think ya ain't glad t' see me."

"I wasn't expecting they'd send, yanno, someone…" Ichigo floundered. "I thought you made Captain. Don't you have… responsibilities or somethin'?"

"Nah. Division mostly runs itself now that I got it cleaned up." Renji smirked at him but the pride shone clearly in his eyes. "'Sides, I got a good lieutenant takin' care a' things while I'm away. You remember her, right? Short, cute, terrible fashion sense." He plucked at his mismatched clothes. "These're her fault, a' course."

_I win._ Ichigo nodded. "So… um… seriously, why _did_ you get picked for this?"

"I didn't 'get picked', I volunteered."

"What!"

"Well someone had ta go, an' I figured it'd better be someone high enough t' be able t' make decisions without needin' ta check back for every li'l thing. Ya _know_ what they're like." Renji rolled his eyes. Ichigo couldn't hold back his amused snort of laughter. He did, indeed, know. Rukia had been a victim of an evil man's manipulation of Soul Society's bizarre – yet necessary – rules.

"Plus, I figured if you were gonna be saddled with the job, ya could at least have some fun. Yanno, on account a' we're friends an' all now." Renji's tone was… sincere?

Ichigo blinked. Renji really meant that. Ichigo knew they'd put aside their differences and fought together as part of a team during the war – side-by-side, back-to-back, and any other way they could to keep each other alive and _win_. And that camaraderie _had_ carried forward after the war, during the cleanup and reconstruction of the Sereitei.

Renji had even taken him out drinking with his friends – most of whom were past or present members of the 11th Division. Ichigo vaguely recalled staggering through the streets with Renji and Shuuhei on either side, held up only by the arms they'd slung around each others' shoulders. They were assuring him that 'it' was a great idea and they should go do 'it' right away. Ichigo recalled much more clearly his horrified reaction the next morning when he woke up on Renji's floor with his first hangover splitting his head and a burning sting on his left shoulder. They'd taken him to get _tattooed_. He was eternally grateful that Yumichika had talked them out of putting it on his _face_ – he really didn't get those two sometimes – but it was still embarrassing. It wasn't the worst thing that could have happened; tattoos were kind of cool after all, and having a good one wouldn't hurt his image, but… it was a _strawberry_. Ichigo had vowed on the spot to never go drinking alone with those thugs again. He remembered there had been singing…

"Oi, Ichigo?" Renji's voice snapped Ichigo out of the memory. He was looking at Ichigo rather strangely.

"Uh, sorry. Yeah, friends." It was bizarre but for some reason he couldn't fathom, he supposed they _were_ friends, in an odd sort of way, even though he hadn't seen much of the man in the past three years. "And since I'm supposed to teach you, that means it's 'Kurosaki-sensei' now." Ichigo smirked.

Renji snickered, and played along. "Sure thing, _sensei_. In that case ya better remember it's 'Abarai-Taichou' now, ne?" He looked around Ichigo's small flat. "So where do I sleep?"

"_What!_"

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A week sharing cramped quarters would strain even the best of friends, and Ichigo hardly thought the casual friendship he and Renji had developed qualified. Ichigo was busy studying for his exams, and Renji was doing his best to absorb modern culture through television and magazines. Unfortunately, Renji had a habit of talking back to whatever he was studying, and it seemed he had a new question for Ichigo every few minutes. Between the constant interruptions and the constant proximity, Ichigo was about ready to scream with frustration.

"Oi, Ichigo…" Renji began his usual query. Ichigo's pencil snapped in his fist.

"What is it this time?" he ground out.

Unfazed, Renji shot him a cheeky grin. "I can't take sittin' in this little room anymore. Gotta train the body as well as the mind, yanno. Let's go t' Urahara's and do some damage."

Ichigo blinked. That was the best thing he'd heard all week. He was out of his body and out the window in an instant.

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"Ahhh—_OWW!_" Ichigo lowered himself into the hot spring, wincing as the water stung his cuts and bruises. "That last one hurt, you bastard." He glared at the red-haired shinigami who was already relaxing in the healing waters.

"Don't be such a crybaby. Ya broke two a' my ribs last week, remember." Renji shot back good-naturedly as he closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the ledge.

"Yeah, that was a good one, wasn't it?" Ichigo sunk to his chin in the steaming pool. "You were wide open on that last swing." Renji made a rude gesture, not even bothering to open his eyes. Ichigo snickered, and they began their usual post-training analysis.

The daily sparring matches had lifted the tension immediately. While they still shared Ichigo's cramped flat – when the spare futon was spread on the floor there was literally _no_ floor left to be seen – the training helped siphon off their extra energy. They learned to coexist a bit more peacefully; Renji kept his outbursts toward the television to a minimum, and Ichigo became accustomed enough to Renji's presence that his studies progressed and he managed to get top grades in all of his college exams.

Now without the added pressure of school, Ichigo found he was enjoying Renji's uncomplicated company. The other man had an easiness of spirit that Ichigo envied. Renji spoke his thoughts honestly and without reservation. They spent a great deal of time just talking – about the changes in the Soul Society, about the modern living world, and anything in between. It was somehow easier for Ichigo to teach Renji than it had been trying to explain things to Rukia. He supposed it was because they were both guys, and could relate on that level at least. Ichigo didn't like to remember Rukia's endless stream of unanswerable questions in the pharmacy…

He might be uncomplicated to be around, but Renji wasn't a simple man to know. Ichigo truly hadn't thought that there was much more to him than the rough and ready fellow who'd taken him drinking with those 11th Division lunatics. As the weeks passed and they continued their training and Renji's lessons, Ichigo saw the determination of the man who had clawed his way out of the Rukongai slums. The same man who once dedicated his every waking moment working to surpass his former Captain, who bravely threw his life on the line repeatedly when trying to pull Rukia out of Aizen's heinous plot, was the same man who sat in his flat and laughed at children's television programs. It was the same man who stood bleeding over him, shielding him from Ichimaru's stabbing blade despite having two broken arms, who still retained enough of his sense of humour to toss over his shoulder that he was "just returning the favour" from when Ichigo had deflected a killing strike from Renji's neck the day before. The same man who had somehow, amazingly, become his friend.

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Ichigo didn't have to remember to tread carefully when he got up in the night. By now his feet automatically stepped around the sleeping shinigami taking up his floor space and took the long way around to the bathroom, all by the light of the full moon shining in through the window. _Funny how you can get so used to something - even something as bizarre as having a shinigami captain crashing on your floor for the summer. Though for my life, that's actually pretty tame._

Ichigo's eyesight adjusted as he made his way back to his bed. He started to step over his friend but stopped as Renji turned in his sleep, the moonlight suddenly illuminating his face. Ichigo was always a bit startled at the way Renji looked when he was truly asleep. It was disconcerting to see his energetic friend so completely relaxed, without his trademark grin, the laughing eyes lidded. He looked… peaceful. The moonlight washed over the hair tangled loose around his face and pillow, the dark lines of his tattoos standing out against pale skin. Ichigo's sleepy mind was transfixed.

_I never realized how beautiful he is_.

Then…

_What the fuck!_

Ichigo climbed back into his bed and buried his head under his pillow, trying to convince himself that when he woke up in the morning it would all be a horrible nightmare.

He had not just noticed how _appealing_ his friend – his _male_ friend – looked in the moonlight.

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When he finally fell asleep, after an interminable hour of listening to his guest talking in his sleep – Renji talked back to the Hollows he fought even in his sleep, it seemed – Ichigo's dreams were filled with disturbing images of the battles he'd fought in Soul Society. He frequently had bad dreams, but lately it seemed they were getting worse. Some were old nightmares, ones that hadn't been so clear or painful for over a year. And some were new variations – instead of winning, they _lost_.

Ichigo's mind played out horror after imaginary horror for him. He saw Rukia crushed by a Menos Grande. He saw Hitsugaya lose all control and freeze a dozen sections of the Rukongai when the entire 10th Division was wiped out in an instant by some… _thing_… that swallowed them whole and spit out their bones. He saw Ichimaru's blade pierce Renji's heart instead of only running through his side and catching a rib, and continue stabbing straight toward Ichigo's eyes…

That one was just too much for Ichigo's strained psyche. He half-woke in a cold sweat, just long enough to remember that Rukia was fine and happy back in the Soul Society, and that Hitsugaya had lightened up a lot after marrying Hinamori and was still trying to compel Matsumoto to do her paperwork for the fully-intact 10th Division, and that Ichimaru hadn't managed to kill either him or Renji – or anyone else after that encounter for that matter; the frosty captain of the 10th and his lieutenant had seen to that.

The upside was the dreams changed. The downside was they took a decidedly erotic turn, and featured his innocently sleeping guest. His _male_ guest. With whom he was _friends_ and not interested in, er, in _that way_.

The next morning Ichigo woke late. His insane dreams had kept him from getting any real rest, and he knew he was going to be in a foul mood. He scowled into his pillow. Like it or not, he was going to have to get up and face the day. He'd shake off the dreams with a good training session at—

Ichigo groaned. Training session at Urahara's this morning. With Renji and Tessai. _Crap_. He glanced at the clock – an _hour_ ago. _Fuck_.

_Ok be a man, don't be stupid. Just get up and get on with it, and this will all just go away_.

Ichigo threw back the covers and forced himself out of bed before he lost his nerve. "Oi, Renji, get up you lazy ass, we're late!" He looked around with bleary eyes. Renji's futon and bedding were put away, and Ichigo could see through the open bathroom door. There was no sign of his guest anywhere.

_Bastard didn't wake me up! But now I don't have to deal with… things. This is good._ _Well I'm already late, I'll just have to be a little more late and take a shower to wake up. _Ichigo hated being unreliable but after last night he was in a sorry state, and the one good thing about his ridiculously small flat was that it had its own private bathroom. He made his bed and closed the window against the summer heat before heading for the shower.

Standing under the stinging hot spray, Ichigo tried to clear his mind and prepare for the day ahead. _Dreams aren't real. They're just strange things your brain does to entertain itself while you're sleeping. They're exaggerations of our hopes and fears, the things that happen in our daily lives, and leftover pizza eaten too late at night_. He saw Soul Society crumble because he fought a _war_ to save it – this was a normal thing that happened to war veterans, he knew. He dreamed about his good _friend_ because they had spent the better part of every day for the past several weeks in each others' company. He had erotic dreams because he was a healthy adult male with a healthy – albeit unsatisfied – libido. He steadfastly refused to connect the last two rationalizations.

Well he couldn't do anything about the horrors of war – those scars he would bear for life. And your daily life changed every day, so a person's dreams were bound to have a different focus every night. And the other… well he just hadn't found the time for that. So it wasn't that strange, really, that his brain had gotten a bit confused…

Ichigo shrugged uncomfortably at his own thoughts, and scrubbed at his hair with perhaps a bit more vigour than was required in an attempt to distract himself. _It doesn't mean anything, anyway._ He tackled his arms fiercely. _What a man's mind does while he's asleep is just not his responsibility._ His skin stung from the force of his increasingly agitated washing. _Right?_

Right. Except his body wasn't listening to a word of it. Ichigo's scrubbing stopped abruptly when he felt an undeniable physical response to his train of thought. No, that wasn't it. _It's perfectly normal. I'm a normal guy with a normal morning reaction._ In a way he was glad – he couldn't resolve his inner turmoil, but this was something he could deal with.

Ichigo's mind was still a jumble as he delivered the steady strokes. Nothing about the previous night made any sense, so he gave up trying to understand and just tried to forget. His movements grew quicker and more urgent. The build-up of familiar tension was welcome after so many weeks without much privacy in the tiny flat he now shared. Unbidden, the image of pale, moonlit skin sprang into his thoughts, and – an unexpected jolt in the pit of his stomach sent shivers up and down his whole body, and he gasped loudly with the force of his sudden release.

He stood there a moment, breathing heavily as he rinsed himself with trembling hands. The relief warred with confusion and an inexplicable sense of guilt. The harder Ichigo tried not to think about what he had just – what had just happened, the wilder his emotions spun. He slammed off the water.

"Damn you, Renji!" he growled aloud, trying to break free of the mental cycle, his voice thick and deep. He wasn't sure why he was taking his confusion out on his absent friend, but oddly enough he did feel a bit better after channelling the frustration into the momentary burst of irrational anger.

_It's been too long. That's all._ He repeated this over and over as he quickly finished his morning routine and threw his clothes on.

_I don't have time for this, I'm already late._ Ichigo headed out, determined to restore order and sanity to his world. He didn't notice the curtains fluttering in the breeze from the open window behind him.

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**  
Omake**_  
Ch 1 omake_

Akuni: Welcome to the 'Nexus' omake! Sometimes funny things happen during the course of a story that don't always belong. I thought we'd share some of those thoughts and adventures with you all.

Renji: Yo.

Ichigo: Why am I already naked?

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	2. Chapter 2 Adaptation

I did it! I finally finished this story/pant pant/ It took over a month - partly because work was kicking my ass, but mostly because it just demanded so much more detail and depth than I'd originally planned. Who am I to argue with the muse?

**Title:** Nexus  
**Author:** Akuni  
**Genre:** Drama/Romance  
**Rating:** M for 'Much Smut'  
**Pairing:** Renji/Ichigo  
**Spoilers:** read through Soul Society & Arrancar Arcs  
**Word Count(total):** 20,500 (omfg!)  
**Word Count(chapter):** 3500

** Disclaimer:** I do not own Bleach, I'm just borrowing it for a while.  
**Distribution:** Also posted to my LJ & comms. Please ask if you want to share it :)

** Dedication:** To all fellow Renji/Ichigo fangirls/guys out there. We know it's impossible, we know it's silly, and we know it's _damned hot!_

** A/N:** My Bleach OTP is RenRuki, but I'm hooked on fandom Renji/Ichigo (ya ya I say this for each story, so what! ) After much blushing and chickening out (and wine), I managed to write the smut. Go me! Why is it so much harder to write than to read? Although come to think of it, the first time I read RenjixIchigo smut I did so peering between my fingers as I covered my eyes, and I'm pretty sure all the blood in my body was in my face - that might explain the swooning.

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**Chapter 2 - Adaptation**

"Where the hell is Ichigo? It ain't like him t' be this late." Renji grumbled for the third time.

"You managed to get here on time – early, even. How is it that you are here and he is not?" The older shinigami's lackadaisical tone was still as irritating as ever.

"He had a rough night, so I left early this mornin'."

Urahara fluttered his fan in front of his face. "Ohh?" he sing-songed.

"Nightmares." Renji clarified. "Same 's we all got." His tone was flat, matter-of-fact. He didn't feel like going into detail; he and Ichigo had shared many of the same experiences during the war, and Renji could easily identify the events that fuelled the pain from Ichigo's agonized mumblings. They were the same ones that featured prominently in his own hellish dreams.

"Ah. So we do." This time Urahara's voice was uncharacteristically soft and sober. They sat quietly for a moment, accepting and acknowledging their individual memories before putting them back in the past where they belonged.

"Still, it's been an awfully long time…" Urahara mused.

Renji's frown deepened. "Ya don't suppose there's trouble?" He didn't sense anything, but they'd discovered the hard way that shinigami weren't the only ones who'd learned how to disguise their spiritual presence. And with the way Ichigo's energy had been fluctuating lately…

"Gonna track him down. Be back soon; please tell Tessai we're sorry, an' thanks." Renji tossed a wave behind him as he left the shop and headed for home.

As he drew nearer to the flat, Renji was relieved to feel Ichigo's presence. Ichigo had gotten much better controlling and concealing his reiatsu, but familiarity made it easier to hone in. There was no indication of danger, but as he closed in Renji detected an unusual level of disquiet and a heightened sense of… _something_ that he couldn't quite place in the other man's energy.

_Somethin' musta really rattled him last night – it ain't been this bad since I got here._ Ichigo wouldn't be the first or last survivor to suffer from the after effects of the conflict in Soul Society, but formally trained shinigami with decades – or centuries – of experience were usually better equipped to deal with the aftermath. Renji wanted to help his friend figure out how to handle the fallout, if he could; that was one of the other reasons why he had volunteered for this mission, reasons he hadn't told Ichigo. But he didn't want to embarrass Ichigo if he wasn't ready to get into it just yet. Renji concentrated a moment, making sure he wasn't leaking any reiatsu himself before he stepped lightly to the window ledge. He'd just take a quick look to check things out before deciding whether to intrude.

Opening the window from the outside was a simple matter; Ichigo had stopped latching his windows after the second time a shinigami visitor defeated the locked window by simply kicking it in. Renji grinned at the memory of Ichigo staring in shock at Ikkaku standing amid the rubble of the ruined window frame and shards of glass that littered his room. He stepped through the opening a little more carefully.

Renji heard the water splashing in the shower through the half-opened door to the bathroom. Up close, he sensed Ichigo's energy much more clearly – it pulsed unsteadily with the unease Renji had sensed before, pushing everything off-balance. Now and then there was a spike of that previously indefinable quality, one which Renji could now identify immediately at close range. He fought down a smirk as he wondered what on earth could have Ichigo so wound up in two such different directions. Whatever was going on in Ichigo's mind, this was obviously not the time to discuss it.

Renji turned to leave when a loud gasp from the direction of the shower sent a tingle through his body and stopped him in his tracks. He felt the blood rushing to his face, and wondered why he was blushing. Normal guys did that sort of thing all the time, and Ichigo was a normal guy – _he_ was a normal guy. He'd just never been privy to anyone else's 'normal guy' activities before.

The sound of the water stopped with a sudden bang that made Renji jump. _I gotta clear off before he comes out here and finds me; that'd be too embarrassin' for both of—_

"Damn you, Renji!" Ichigo's growl was startling, his voice thick and raw.

_What the hell! I know he didn't sense me, what the fuck was that abo… oh crap I gotta get outta here right now!_ Renji leaped silently out of the window and sped across town back toward Urahara's. His thoughts were a whirlwind of questions and answers he wasn't sure he knew what to do with.

As he flashed over the rooftops, Renji forced his mind to stop spinning aimlessly and focus on just what the hell he'd walked in on. Well he knew damned well what he'd walked in on, that was obvious – but that part wasn't a problem. What Renji couldn't figure out was why Ichigo was so much farther off-balance all of a sudden – and why the fuck _his name_ had come up at that particular moment.

_Ok, look at things logically. There's all kinds a' things goin' on here, an' they don't all gotta be related. The most obvious answer is that Ichigo's pissed 'cause he's got no privacy. I did kinda take over his space. But that ain't really like him, either. If he wanted me gone he woulda just told me t' get lost._

That sparked another train of thought that Renji wasn't sure how to interpret. He was still puzzling things over when he arrived back at the Urahara Shouten. He stood outside, leaning against the wall as he continued his internal monologue.

_So if he ain't pissed at me, then maybe it was just a coincidence._ Renji snorted aloud at this. _Ok so that's out, too. What if…_ Renji struggled to organize his thoughts. _Ok so what if that's what it is? So what if he's… if he likes guys? Nothin' wrong with that – even the slowest shinigami figures that out after the first century, an' some a' those even wind up at least curious as the years go by. Don't hafta mean anything, anyway. Not like it's gotta be meaningful every time a guy fantasizes 'bout somethin'. And it'd be a kinda compliment, really. Can't deny he's a helluva good guy, and ya can't help noticin' he's pretty damn hot…_

Before Renji could process that last unexpected thought, he was startled by a pulse of familiar reiatsu at his side. _Damn, he got here fast… how'd I miss that?_ He looked over at the orange-haired man suddenly standing nearby, and lost his train of thought.

Ichigo looked terrible. He had dark circles under his eyes, and his jaw was tightly clenched.

_Looks like I gotta have that talk with him sooner rather than later. Shoulda known this was comin', after last night. His energy's too tight – he's lockin' it down but only barely._

"Sorry, I—" Ichigo began.

Renji cut him off. "Don't need t' hear it. Heard enough last night." He looked away for a moment as a faint flush stained Ichigo's face. "When ya feel like talkin' about it, ya know there's a few folks 'round here who'd understand."

"I… it's nothin'. Don't worry about it, it won't happen again." Ichigo's voice was strained.

"It ain't _nothin',_ it's serious. And ya know damned well it _will_ happen again." Ichigo stiffened and opened his mouth to argue, but Renji continued right on. "You ever stop t' think that maybe shinigami woulda learned a bit about dealin' with this sorta thing?" Ichigo twitched.

Renji met Ichigo's eyes then, and held them with his own. "I didn't tell ya before, but part of why I decided t' come here myself is 'cause I thought ya might be havin' trouble. Didn't figure anyone woulda thought about how you guys were gonna cope. Especially you. Don't try t' deny you're havin' nightmares 'bout Soul Society."

Ichigo blinked finally. "Oh. Well… yeah, but that's just part of survivin' a war."

Renji nodded. "Ya it is, but ya don't gotta just suffer forever yanno." He shook his head, exasperated. "I knew no one woulda figured this out." he muttered.

"Figured what out? And why especially me?" Oddly, Ichigo sounded calmer now.

"When ya live as long as shinigami do, ya need t' learn a few things about life an' death." Renji explained. "Like how t' deal with it, over and over. 'Forever' 's too long a time t' suffer." He watched Ichigo's face carefully to see if this was penetrating. "I figured you'd be the one to have the most trouble, 'cause ya don't have anyone t' lean on. The others would understand – Sado, an' Inoue, an' Ishida – but you're not the type to bring it up so they'd leave ya alone. 'Cept maybe Chad, but he talks even less than you do 'bout this stuff."

Ichigo looked thoughtful. "So, you're sayin' there's a way…? That you can show me how to…" He waved a hand in the air as he searched for the right word.

"Ya, I'm sayin' ya don't gotta have nightmares that bad for the rest a' your life. I can help ya… teach ya some a' what we learn as shinigami." Renji smiled then, and punched Ichigo's shoulder lightly. "We'll fix those dreams for ya." To his surprise, Ichigo flushed again before muttering his thanks, and turning and heading into the shop.

Renji followed, bemused. _Huh, who knew the guy'd be so embarrassed 'bout havin' nightmares? He needs t' figure out no one has t' do it all alone. That's what friends are for._

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Training had never been so stressful. Ichigo had just managed to wrench his mind away from… things… when Renji had pulled the topic of dreams right back into focus. He thought his blood had frozen in his veins from the chill that washed over him, until he realized that Renji was talking about the terrible nightmares he'd had. Relief lasted only a second, however – if Renji had picked up on the nightmares, then maybe his other dreams… Ichigo shoved that thought away firmly and tried to focus on the exercise.

Which was another problem. No matter what they worked on, it always seemed to involve a lot of grappling at close quarters. Normally this wasn't an issue, but today Ichigo found himself noticing each touch. His skin tingled, remembering several dream-hours spent entwined in each others' arms.

_Stop thinking about that, dammit!_ He fumed silently, furious with himself for letting some crazy dreams get to him so much.

Ichigo got angrier as the morning progressed. His moves became sloppy, and Ichigo knew he was scowling blackly but he couldn't stop. Renji just looked sympathetic as he dodged another of Ichigo's poorly-timed swings, no doubt thinking he would just let Ichigo work out his frustration. This made Ichigo even angrier – Renji didn't deserve to have Ichigo's foul mood ruin his training.

Ichigo's temper built to an intolerable level. "Ahhh! _Getsuga tenshou!_" He launched the wicked attack against an inoffensive pile of rock off to the side. The rock shattered with a deafening crack, sending dust and debris flying everywhere. Ichigo was pelted with sharp shards of rock as he stood coughing in the dust cloud, the edge of his rage dwindling as embarrassment rose up.

"Renji, I… that was stupid, I'm sorry." Ichigo waved his hand in front of his face, peering toward where his friend had been standing. "Renji?"

The dust settled, and the bottom dropped out of Ichigo's stomach as he saw the figure lying prone in the dirt. "Shit!" Ichigo went pale as he knelt next to the motionless shinigami. There was blood running down the side of Renji's head, but thankfully he was still breathing. Ichigo tore the sleeves off his uniform and pressed the material gently against the bloody gash buried in the bright red hair. Cautiously, Ichigo tried to wake the other man.

"Oww…"

Ichigo breathed a sigh of relief as Renji opened his eyes. For a minute there…

"… the hell was that?" Renji groaned.

"I… I lost my temper and, uh, demolished a few boulders." Ichigo rubbed his neck sheepishly. "Sorry."

"'S'ok. I shoulda dodged." Renji managed a weak grin as Ichigo helped him to his feet and steered him toward the healing hot spring. "Think I'm done for today though." Ichigo nodded – it was clear the blow to the head had scrambled Renji's coordination from the way he staggered and leaned on Ichigo for support.

Ichigo lowered Renji to the ground next to the pool, and turned away to shed the rest of his uniform and slip into the water. It quickly became obvious, however, that Renji was currently incapable of the dexterity required to undress and maintain pressure on his wound.

Ichigo set his jaw. _He's your friend, and this is your fault dammit, so focus on what's goin' on right now and get your own shit sorted out later!_ Ichigo smoothed his face and waded across to the ledge where Renji struggled with his sash and makeshift bandage.

"Here, lemme get that." Ichigo ignored the jolt of nervous energy that shot into his gut as he pulled Renji's left hand off the knotted sash and placed it on the bandage with his right.

"Thanks… I don't think I can untie that one-handed." Renji closed his eyes.

"Hey none of that… stay awake 'til I get you in here." Ichigo didn't know if shinigami could suffer concussion, but he wasn't going to take any chances. "Just keep the pressure on, I don't want you bleedin' to death. How pathetic would that be? They'd be tellin' that story at the academy for the next hundred years." Ichigo joked feebly as he untied Renji's sash. "You survived serving under Kenpachi, you survived Ichimaru and his damned Shinsou, and you survived the whole war with Aizen – only to bleed to death in the living world ten centimetres from a healing spring."

Luckily, Renji found the joke amusing in his dazed state and didn't notice the tremor in Ichigo's hands as they pushed the uniform down off Renji's shoulders. By sheer force of will Ichigo managed to force his turbulent thoughts aside and focus solely on the task of helping the injured man slip out of his clothes and into the water.

Renji mumbled his thanks as Ichigo propped him up before settling down a few feet away. He still looked a little woozy, and Ichigo kept a close eye on him as he dipped the torn material into the water and winced as he raised it to the cut on his head.

"You… you need a little help?" Ichigo was startled at the words that tumbled out of his mouth, but the guilt and concern he felt temporarily overrode his previous anxiety.

"Yeah, if you could just... untie…" Renji fumbled with the knot on his hair band. "Dammit…"

Ichigo reached over and loosened the knot. The colour that poured over Ichigo's hands was a garish blend of bright red hair and the deep crimson blood that stained it. Bits of stone and dust stuck to the blood-soaked strands, and Ichigo felt even guiltier. He took his torn sleeves out of Renji's hands.

"Huh?" Renji's voice was a bit weaker, but still clear of any slurring.

"Just lemme… sit still. It's my fault." Ichigo poured a handful of water over the angry wound. It began closing immediately, soon to be merely another memory like so many others they'd treated in this very pool. "You should drink some, too, in case there's a… a bruise on your brain or somethin'. Can souls even get brain damage?" he asked.

Renji's shoulders twitched as he gave a tired chuckle. "Hehe… a soul bruise. You bruised my soul, Ichigo. That's a good one. Gotta remember t' tell the guys…"

"Shut up and drink the water." Ichigo poured another handful of water over the shinigami's head as Renji obediently drank. It dripped down pink and muddy, swirling away in the gentle current. He cleansed the wound several times before it closed completely, making sure there were no bits of rock or dust left to be sealed into the skin.

_I know he won't hold it against me, but I still feel like crap. My stupid mistake, all 'cause I couldn't handle somethin' like an adult. I coulda killed one of my best friends. Isn't that more important than freakin' out 'cause I noticed he's got looks?_

Ichigo worked his fingers through the matted hair, rinsing away the blood and debris. He marvelled at how soft it was, drifting across his hands as the water swished about them. _Why does he keep his hair so long, anyway? Doesn't it get in the way?_ Ichigo raked his fingers down its length, trying to remove the knots and tangles he'd inadvertently caused while trying to remove the debris from the newly-healed wound.

_Not often you see such an outrageous colour – heh, kinda fits him though_. Ichigo continued his tactile investigation of the vibrant strands, now well and truly cleaned of any remaining evidence of the earlier mishap.

Ichigo didn't notice the time passing until Renji sighed contentedly. Ichigo froze, and the crimson strands floated out of his grasp.

"I… er, are you OK now?" Ichigo found his voice and fought to keep it neutral. _What was I doing!_

"Yeah," Renji turned and gave him a grin. "Sorry 'bout spacin' out on ya like that. It's just, ah…" He coloured slightly. "I kinda got a thing 'bout people playin' with my hair. It's relaxin'."

"I just wanted to make sure… the rocks, yanno? Sorry I didn't mean to…" Ichigo had no idea what he wanted to say, so he settled for drifting to the other side of the pool and immersing himself up to the neck.

Renji waved a hand at him. "Stop apologizin' already. I told ya, I shoulda been quicker. I knew you were in a bad place an' I expected somethin' ta happen, but I just wasn't quick enough. You're gettin' better at controllin' your energy in a fight – I didn't sense you were gonna let loose like that 'til it was too late."

"'Sides, it's kinda nice sittin' here. I'd sit still for hours with someone fussin' with my hair. Used ta let Rukia do all kinds a' weird girly shit – don't ya dare tell anyone." He grinned again and ducked his head under the water, slicking his hair back out of his face before lifting himself out of the pool.

Ichigo turned his head politely – through the corner of his eye he saw Renji getting dressed; he caught a glimpse of water running down the shinigami's lean frame, the play of powerful muscles under smooth skin, and… Ichigo slammed his eyes shut before they rolled out of his head. _No way. No fucking way! I did not just see what I think I saw. But I did. He's… but why?_

"Ya done here?"

Ichigo ignored the tightening in his own groin and cracked one eye open. _Grow up and get over it, Ichigo._ "Nah I need a few minutes to think, I'll catch up with you at home later."

Renji looked at him a moment before nodding. "Remember what I said earlier. We should talk about how ya need t' go about dealin' with the past. It ain't hard, and it's important." Renji vanished up the ladder, leaving Ichigo alone with a whole new set of thoughts and images to ponder.

_I know what I saw. Something got him going._ Ichigo thought hard. _He talked about Rukia… could that be it?_ Ichigo dismissed the idea. They shared a powerful sibling bond, but that seemed to be as far as it went.

_Then what the hell was that all about?_

**

* * *

**

**Omake**  
_Ch 2 omake_

Renji: Ya threw a rock at me! What the hell?

Akuni: I'm SORRY/wails/ But if Ichigo's going to stop being angry and angsty, he's got to see you in all your sexiness again! You know he will keep fighting his feelings if I don't keep throwing you in his face!

Renji: Hmph... well ok, but damn did ya hafta throw it so hard? There's gonna be a scar...

Akuni: Scars are sexy. Trust me on this. Ichigo's gonna love it. 'Cept there won't be a scar.

Renji: Hm... if ya say so. Say, when're ya comin' t' visit us again, anyway? Last time was a lotta fun...

Akuni/hsst/ Not here! ...

___**

* * *

**_


	3. Chapter 3 Insight

I did it! I finally finished this story/pant pant/ It took over a month - partly because work was kicking my ass, but mostly because it just demanded so much more detail and depth than I'd originally planned. Who am I to argue with the muse?

**Title:** Nexus  
**Author:** Akuni  
**Genre:** Drama/Romance  
**Rating:** M for 'Much Smut'  
**Pairing:** Renji/Ichigo  
**Spoilers:** read through Soul Society & Arrancar Arcs  
**Word Count(total):** 20,500 (omfg!)  
**Word Count(chapter):** 3300

** Disclaimer:** I do not own Bleach, I'm just borrowing it for a while.  
**Distribution:** Also posted to my LJ & comms. Please ask if you want to share it :)

** Dedication:** To all fellow Renji/Ichigo fangirls/guys out there. We know it's impossible, we know it's silly, and we know it's _damned hot!_

** A/N:** My Bleach OTP is RenRuki, but I'm hooked on fandom Renji/Ichigo (ya ya I say this for each story, so what! ) After much blushing and chickening out (and wine), I managed to write the smut. Go me! Why is it so much harder to write than to read? Although come to think of it, the first time I read RenjixIchigo smut I did so peering between my fingers as I covered my eyes, and I'm pretty sure all the blood in my body was in my face - that might explain the swooning.

**

* * *

**

**Chapter 3 - Insight**

Renji was grateful for the time alone at the flat. He needed to do some serious thinking. The whole morning had been one bizarre shock after another, and if he didn't process it soon he was going to go crazy.

_What the hell was that all about?_ Renji borrowed Ichigo's best scowl as he threw himself into a chair.

_:You weren't complainin'. You enjoyed that.:_ The voices in his mind supplied.

_Well a' course I did, I always liked havin' someone playin' with my hair._

_:Uh huh. Right. 'Cause it's only natural to get turned on by something like that.:_

_OK, fine, I enjoyed it, more than I shoulda._

_:And what about that little epiphany this morning? Think about how "pretty damn hot" all your other friends are, do you:_

Renji groaned. He was extremely grateful to have such a close relationship with Zabimaru, but there were times when he could wish they were a little less alike. Especially in the mouthing-off department. And with a bond like that it was impossible to hide anything, not that he really needed or wanted to.

_But why him? Why now?_ Renji sighed and ran his hands through the hair still hanging loose about his shoulders._ He's the best friend I got, up there with Rukia an' Shuuhei an' the others. But… I think I know what I felt in his energy back there, and I _do_ know damned well what I felt – an' heard – this mornin'. Was that more'n just fantasizin'?_

_I never figured myself for the guy type before, but I guess I never thought much 'bout it. Not that it matters, as long as ya l—_

Renji stood up abruptly and began pacing as best he could in the tiny flat.

_Whatever's goin' on it's just gonna hafta stop, 'cause there's no way it's worth riskin' losin' a friend over. This is just a… a physical reaction 'cause there ain't no one else around. I won't ruin things for either of us by complicatin' things. Soon I'll go back t' Soul Society an' we'll still be friends an' that'll be that._

The voices were silent.

Right. He ignored the weight that settled on his chest and firmly pushed away all further thought on the subject.

* * *

Ichigo didn't return to the flat until that evening. He spent most of the afternoon visiting his sisters and catching up on their news. Yuzu's happy chatter helped him focus on something other than his growing unease regarding his unsettled feelings. All too soon, however, it was time to return home. He walked very slowly, giving himself time to examine the thoughts tumbling through his mind. 

Foremost was guilt. _I coulda killed him. I'm just lucky it was Renji and not anyone else – not many others, even shinigami, can take the kind of punishment he does and still walk away in one piece._

Then the guilt was swallowed by… something else Ichigo didn't have a name for and didn't know how to acknowledge. _He said he likes havin' his hair fussed with, that's all. Right. 'Cept I don't think it's so great that it'd cause…_ This time Ichigo couldn't ignore the feeling that welled up in his gut as he remembered the water sliding over firm muscles, dripping off the other man's arousal. He groaned.

_Why is this happening to me now? It can't be because… I mean, I like lookin' at girls. I've thought about girls._ Except this morning he had been thinking about something very different. Some_one_. He stopped and forced himself to pull the most difficult problem right into the forefront.

Renji was very much not a girl. There was nothing feminine about him, and it was his very masculine traits that Ichigo found himself considering in such an enticing way. Ichigo couldn't suppress the honest thought that pushed its way to the top.

He _liked_ the way Renji looked. In _that way_. He couldn't deny that anymore, not with the way his body thrummed at the very memory. Not with the way he'd let himself watch Renji dry off and dress at the hot spring that morning.

But there was more to it than that. Ichigo admired the man's enthusiasm and spirit, and his dedication to his work. Renji was fiercely loyal, and utterly dependable. He was fun, and intelligent, and everything you could want in a companion.

Ichigo held his breath and made himself admit it, if only in the privacy of his mind.

_I'm infatuated with my best friend. _

He exhaled unsteadily and ran a shaking hand through his hair.

_Way to go, moron._

* * *

"I'm home." Ichigo announced warily, closing the door behind him. 

"Hey." Renji looked up from his notes. "Feelin' better?"

"Shouldn't I be askin' you that?" Ichigo sat on the edge of his bed and leaned back against the wall.

"Nah, I told ya, I'm fine. Good as new."

"Good." Ichigo felt a little less guilty seeing Renji back to his usual energetic self. He knew the shinigami had a quiet side as well, but seeing him weakened and awkward in the healing pool had disturbed Ichigo greatly. Seeing him lying there, it was too much like… He fought down the memory that tried to surface.

"What'd you do all afternoon?"

"Went to see Karin and Yuzu. Why, miss me?" Ichigo tried feebly to keep up their usual banter._ If I just keep this to myself, maybe things can just go back to normal and it'll all go away._

Renji paused a moment before grinning back at him. "Hah, you wish. Nice change havin' some peace an' quiet around here without you bangin' around all the time."

They shared a laugh, remembering Ichigo's consternation with Renji's habitual noise level. Ichigo began to relax. _This is going to be ok. Nothing has to change._

"How're they doin' anyway? Your sisters?"

"They're fine. They say hello, and invited us to supper again next week. Goat-face'll be there, though." Ichigo rolled his eyes.

"Who cares? Finally some real food!"

"Hey my cooking isn't that bad. But I know it's not as good as Yuzu's." Ichigo pulled a sly expression onto his face. "She's planning all your favourites, you know. She's always had a soft spot for strays, and she practically worshipped you after 'Renji-nii-san' saved her." Ichigo pitched his voice higher in mimicry of Yuzu's excited announcement the day Renji had pulled her and Karin away from a pack of Hollows.

Renji chuckled and rubbed the back of his head. "Ah, she's a sweet kid. The other one's got spunk, too. I'll hafta bring 'em somethin' nice."

He put away his research notes then and turned to Ichigo with a serious expression. "Yanno I told ya earlier that I came here t' help ya figure out how t' handle survivin' the war. You ready ta learn how t' do somethin' about that?"

* * *

Ichigo lay staring up at the ceiling, listening to the soft sounds in the night. Really, it was easier than he'd expected. _They key is to relax. I need to let the memories come if they will, and don't fight them. Accept them for what they are and honour them – make a place for them in my past, and slowly teach them to live there._

Ichigo ran through the breathing meditation exercises Renji had shown him, willing his heart rate to slow and his limbs to relax. He held on to Renji's earnest advice as the memories inevitably came.

_"Ain't no shame in tears. Let 'em come if they want, they'll get the grief outta ya. That's why we have 'em. Your soul knows how t' grieve – when ya try t' fight it, that's when ya start t' have real trouble."_

One by one, Ichigo relived the memories that came, and found that it _was_ easier to let them play through than to fight them. It wasn't pleasant, but it wasn't as bad as it could have been. He closed his eyes as the memories slowly faded into their places.

* * *

_"Look, shinigami!" A cluster of excited children huddling in a doorway caught Ichigo's attention. He nudged his red-haired companion with an elbow._

_"What are they doin' here? Shouldn't their families have been evacuated by now?"_

_Renji stared at them, an unreadable expression on his face. "They ain't got no family. Their home is right here on the street." He dug into a pocket and came up with a small cloth bag, its sides bulging weirdly. "I told ya, this is how it works here in these districts."_

_Ichigo followed as Renji put on a rare smile and approached the children. He'd obviously identified the ringleader, though they all looked equally ragged and scared to Ichigo._

_"Oi, brats, y' got t' git yer ass out. Bad's comin', y' dun ken th' talk?"_

_Ichigo blinked. Renji's speech was ordinarily rough and lazy unless he really needed to be formal, but Ichigo could barely make out the individual words in the coarse dialect he now spoke._

_The leader, a grubby brown-haired boy in a faded blue coat, stepped forward and eyed the red-haired shinigami curiously. He couldn't have been more than ten, but his eyes were hard and wary. "Y' kin?" he asked cautiously. _

_"78th," Renji replied easily. The kid's eyes widened slightly in surprise – and admiration? – but quickly narrowed again, though this time with slightly less suspicion._

_"70th," The kid pointed a finger at his face proudly, then jabbed his thumb at his little crew shivering in the doorway. "68th." He eyed Ichigo, then cocked an eyebrow at Renji in query._

_"Live one." A snort of incredulity. Renji just looked at the kid, his expression serious._

_"S'true then?" the kid asked finally. Renji nodded._

_"Got t' git out?" Renji nodded again. The kid swallowed heavily, and lifted a hand toward his gang. "Can't leave 'em."_

_"'Course not." Renji growled. To the kid's credit, he only shrank a little. "Git t' th' gate. Shinigami goin' take y' up."_

_"Truth?"_

_"Yep." Renji handed the kid the little bag he'd fished out of his robes. "Bit a' treat fer th' run. Help 'em keep up." He gave the kid another rare smile before turning his attention to the other children. "Y' keep up. Y' run an' y' keep runnin' 'til yer safe. Listen t' tha' one, he git y' safe." They nodded fearfully._

_The kid looked Renji in the eye, exchanging some wordless salute, then turned and hustled his little crew off down the street. They watched as he led them down an alley, the littlest of them, a tiny girl in a pink dress, clinging to his sleeve._

_Renji turned to Ichigo then, and glared. "What?" he demanded._

_"What was all that about? I barely understood a word of it."_

_"They gotta leave. They wouldn't believe the news unless someone they could trust told 'em it was true." Renji looked away, staring off into the distance. "The kid's got potential, but ya just don't leave your crew," he stated fiercely._

_They continued walking in silence for a moment before Ichigo asked one final question. "What was in the bag, anyway? Money?" Ichigo wasn't sure what good money would be, but he couldn't imagine what else Renji would have had on hand to give them._

_"Candy," Renji replied with a lopsided grin. "Don't get much in the way a' treats down here. I bring a li'l with me whenever I come down. I remember what it's like t' live like that."_

_Two days later they were called back out to the 68th to combat a wave of fire-breathing Hollows – deliberately released into the slums. The stench was appalling, and they knew the death toll would be high. Two days would not have been enough to evacuate everyone. Shinigami searched for survivors in the rubble, but so far they'd only turned up charred corpses._

_Movement in the debris caught Ichigo's eye. "Renji, there's someth—" his breath caught in his throat. He recognized the pattern on the scrap of pink fabric fluttering from under a large section of a collapsed wall… _

_"Oh hell…" Ichigo lifted the torn wall carefully. His hands shook, but he held the wall steady. His eyes filled, but he could still see the faded blue of the coat under the dust._

_"I told 'em to leave, dammit! Why 'n hell were they still here!" Renji kicked a broken door furiously._

_Renji knelt as Ichigo continued to clear the debris. "Why were you still here?" he asked, his voice choked. "Why'd y' not git out?"_

_Ichigo pushed the remaining sections of wall away. He watched silently as Renji carefully laid out the small bodies side by side…_

… _only it was his own hands gently lifting the dead boy's shoulders, and the boy's hair wasn't brown it was brilliant red, dull with dust and dirt and matted with blood, flowing smoothly over his hands in the water…_

Ichigo woke screaming. His eyes flew open as he sat up, sweat-streaked chest heaving as he sucked in great gasps of air. Only then did he realize there were cool hands on his shoulders, shaking him roughly. He blinked a few times before he could make out Renji kneeling next to his bed.

"'S'ok… it's over."

"I tried… I'm sorry..." Ichigo couldn't wipe the images from his mind. He began to shake uncontrollably.

"Hey, ya think you're the only one ever needed a shoulder t' cry on? Ask Shuuhei how many times I woke him up in the night. Then go ask Yumichika how many times senpai leaned on him." Renji's arm around his trembling shoulders was comforting. "None of us has t' do it alone, that's the whole point. Takes time t' get through it all, an' ya need help along the way."

Ichigo's eyes widened at this revelation. "You… really?" He didn't bother trying to hide the tremor in his voice.

Renji's nod was easily visible. "Yep. Cried like a baby." His voice grew softer. "Woke up screamin' for weeks after... after Rukongai."

"How'd you know that's what my nightmare was about?" Ichigo asked. He was still only a hair from the breaking point.

Renji ran his free hand through his tangled hair. "Sounded a lot like mine," he sighed. "Still workin' on gettin' over that one myself. Keep tellin' myself I couldn't a' done anythin', but I keep seein' 'em lyin' there—_shit._" He broke off with a curse as Ichigo's internal walls collapsed.

Ichigo didn't immediately register the feel of Renji's arms around him, holding him up as the wave of guilt and grief washed over him. So many died, so many slaughtered, and they could do nothing to stop it for so long…

Hot tears splashed down onto a tattooed shoulder. Dimly he sensed Renji extending his reiatsu to contain Ichigo's wildly flaring energy. Ichigo fought to remember what Renji had told him earlier about channelling the pain and grief, but it took several minutes before he could concentrate enough, even with Renji fighting to help restore his balance. Slowly Ichigo got himself back under control. He felt Renji stroking his hair, whispering something unintelligible through Ichigo's hoarse breathing. The tears slowed, and Ichigo ran through the breathing exercises again.

Now that the storm had lessened, Ichigo could feel the cool arms against his overheated skin. He couldn't bring himself to move out of their comforting safety; there was something about the way their energies resonated that told Ichigo his trembling was not solely the result of his emotional outburst.

"I'm sorry… I'm no good at this," Renji was apologizing. "I shoulda asked Shuuhei ta come instead, he's real good at this stuff." He continued stroking Ichigo's hair. It was oddly soothing, and in the back of Ichigo's mind he understood why Renji enjoyed it.

"No… no it's ok." Ichigo finally raised his head and wiped his eyes. "I feel so stupid," he muttered.

"I told ya before, ain't no shame in tears." Renji released him then, and sat back on his futon. "Nothin' I ain't done myself, nothin' I won't do again. Better'n keepin' it all bottled up inside."

Ichigo nodded. He was too exhausted to feel embarrassed anymore, and in any case Renji didn't seem a bit self conscious. He _did_ feel better… tired, but better.

"Um… thanks for… yanno."

"Anytime." Renji's voice was earnest.

Ichigo fell back into sleep, the rest of the night free of nightmares for the first time in weeks.

This left his mind free for a different sort of entertainment altogether.

* * *

Ichigo's nightmares lessened immediately. He still sometimes woke in a cold sweat, but he was able to work through it and get back to sleep. However he couldn't do a thing about the other dreams he kept having – dreams that made it clearer with each passing night that his infatuation was growing, not lessening. He managed to keep his feelings tightly under control during the day, but at night he lost himself in his dream-lover's embrace and woke aching with longing.

* * *

Renji worried that he'd screwed up. Ichigo was handling the war-trauma a lot better now, but he still seemed to be unsteady internally. Something else was keeping Ichigo off-balance, and Renji was afraid he knew what it was. 

_The timin' sucks. We worked hard t' become real friends, why'd we hafta go an' do this now? If the friendship didn't mean so much we could just get it out in the open an' deal with it, for however long it lasted. But that ain't worth the risk now we got more t' lose. We just gotta give it time. It'll pass once I leave, and things'll go back t' the way they were._

It didn't help that his own dreams were giving him trouble. Night after night Renji found himself remembering the feel of hot flesh pressed against his own as Ichigo's reiatsu flashed all around him, imagining strong fingers wound in his hair pulling him closer. It was all he could do in the morning to mask his energy and carry on like nothing had changed.

He was afraid he was fighting a losing battle, though. The tension between them grew a little more each day, and Renji didn't have the first clue what he would do when Ichigo inevitably sensed it, too.

* * *

**Omake**  
_Ch 3 omake_

Renji: What's this emo shit? I thought ya wanted Ichigo to be less angry and angsty? Someone pass the woman a fuckin' taco already!

Akuni: Whaddaya mean "emo shit"? Two friends with all kinds of baggage find themselves lusting after each other, and they're just supposed to be cool with it? Not to mention they're both _guys_ and hadn't expected to have the hots for another guy?

Renji: Why can't we just get t' the sex already?

Akuni: …

Renji: What? Everyone knows that's where you're goin' with this.

Akuni: Well yeah, it's a fanfic, duh? Doesn't mean there can't be a good _plot_ attached to it, yanno.

Renji; eyeroll Whatever. Ya just can't wait to get me naked, can ya?

Akuni: You know the fic's not done yet, and I have plenty of sharp rocks left.

Ichigo: Oi, play nice you two. Renji lighten up, she's doin' her best – she had me blubberin' like a girl but you don't see me complainin'. And you, put down the rock; think about how hard it'd be to finish this story with him bleedin' everywhere again.

Renji: Hmph!

Akuni: Spoilsport.

Renji: Yanno ya _could_ chuck the rock at _him_…

Akuni: Hmm…

ChibiIchigo: Eep!


	4. Chapter 4 Reunion

I did it! I finally finished this story /pant pant/ It took over a month - partly because work was kicking my ass, but mostly because it just demanded so much more detail and depth than I'd originally planned. Who am I to argue with the muse?

**Title:** Nexus  
**Author:** Akuni  
**Genre:** Drama/Romance  
**Rating:** M for 'Much Smut'  
**Pairing:** Renji/Ichigo  
**Spoilers:** read through Soul Society & Arrancar Arcs  
**Word Count(total):** 20,500 (omfg!)  
**Word Count(chapter):** 3000

** Disclaimer:** I do not own Bleach, I'm just borrowing it for a while.  
**Distribution:** Also posted to my LJ & comms. Please ask if you want to share it :)

** Dedication:** To all fellow Renji/Ichigo fangirls/guys out there. We know it's impossible, we know it's silly, and we know it's _damned hot!_

** A/N:** My Bleach OTP is RenRuki, but I'm hooked on fandom Renji/Ichigo (ya ya I say this for each story, so what! ) After much blushing and chickening out (and wine), I managed to write the smut. Go me! Why is it so much harder to write than to read? Although come to think of it, the first time I read RenjixIchigo smut I did so peering between my fingers as I covered my eyes, and I'm pretty sure all the blood in my body was in my face - that might explain the swooning.

**

* * *

**

**Chapter 4 – Reunion**

They were startled out of sleep late one morning nearly a week after Ichigo's nightmare by an insistent hammering at the window. Still half asleep, Ichigo shot out of bed – only to stumble over Renji, who had been reaching for the window before he tripped over Ichigo's trailing bed sheets. They went down in a heap of flailing limbs and blankets, swearing loudly.

"Why the hell don't you people use the damn door!" Ichigo's yell was muffled under the sheets Renji kicked his way. "Hey!"

Laughter was the only response he got. Ichigo struggled out from under the offending blankets and saw his small flat had suddenly become a lot more crowded.

"We interruptin' somethin'?" drawled a familiar voice. Ichigo started guiltily as Renji hastily disentangled himself.

"Ikkaku! And Yumichika!" Renji exclaimed. "What're you guys doin' here?" He stood, staring incredulously, half-dressed and dishevelled. Ichigo caught himself staring and quickly looked away, hoping no one had noticed.

"Visiting." Shuuhei stepped in off the window ledge.

"Hisagi-senpai, too!" Renji looked stunned. Ichigo couldn't blame him – who would expect a shinigami captain and two highly-seated officers to show up without any warning? _This stuff always seems to happen to me; you'd think I'd be used to it by now._

His chest thumped as Renji greeted his friends with slaps on the back and rough embraces – he remembered all too clearly how those arms felt around his own shoulders… Ichigo clamped down on that train of thought and buried it deeply in the back of his mind. This was definitely not the time to daydream – this group was skilled enough to pick up on it and run with it.

"This is…" Yumichika looked around. "…an interesting place you are living in, Abarai-kun."

"Well it ain't a palace but it's a place ta sleep." Renji shrugged. He was grinning hugely at his friends.

"Hey!" Ichigo protested, getting to his feet. "I happen to _live_ here, thank you. If you don't like it you can find somewhere else to stay, Mr. Freeloader!" He smothered his own grin – he'd been saving that one up for _years_.

Renji threw a pillow at him. Ikkaku's laughter rang out again as Ichigo tried to dodge but tripped on the tangled pile of bedding on the floor, fortunately landing on the futon. Ichigo groaned and gave up, content to lie in the warmth.

"So how are things with the 9th, Hisagi-taichou?" Ichigo tried to shift the conversation to discover the real purpose behind this 'visit'.

"Acceptable. The Division is back up to full strength, and we are training the new recruits hard." His stone-face finally cracked a smile. "And it's Shuuhei, not 'Hisagi-taichou'. We're all friends now, remember." He leaned over and clapped a hand on Ichigo's bare left shoulder, right on the tattoo that commemorated their night of drunken revelry celebrating the end of the war. Yumichika was smiling – beautifully, of course, Ichigo noted with an internal chuckle – and Ikkaku and Renji were nodding at him.

Ichigo was only a little bit surprised to find himself grinning back at the shinigami. _Can't argue with that, I guess. With friends like these, at least my life is always going to be interesting._

**

* * *

**

They spent the day at Urahara's, partly because they wanted to spar and partly because Ichigo's flat couldn't accommodate that many guests comfortably. They spent quite a bit of time catching up on the news. Since Renji received regular reports on official business from his Division, 'news' in this case really meant 'gossip' about their friends.

"An' then… then he sat up an' asked fer another! Never saw Taichou so surprised, ever. He just _looked_ at th' kid an' then started _laughin'!_ Told us we'd better find 'im a place 'cause he'd ruin any other Division." Ikkaku howled and slapped his knees. Renji roared right along with him. _Those were good times. They're all insane, but they taught me a helluva lot._

"How's Kira doing?" Renji asked Shuuhei when the laughter died down and the talk turned more serious.

"Still the same," Shuuhei replied. "He's doing the best he can, but the Division is still demoralized, and only barely at half-strength. No one wants to touch the 'Cursed 3rd' with a stick."

"But Ichimaru's long gone." Ichigo looked slightly confused.

"Ichimaru isn't the whole of the problem." Yumichika informed him. "It's because of Kira-kun."

Shuuhei nodded. "He's stuck as Acting Captain because he knows the Division and there's no one else even close to being qualified. He's not captain material, and all of the Gotei 13 knows it, including Kira. Nothing's changed even in all the weeks you've been away, Renji."

Renji sighed. "Yeah, I know. They don't trust him t' lead, not after what that bastard—" Renji broke off with a grimace. "This ain't helpin'."

"No, but I know what will!" Ikkaku reached behind the rock he was perched on and produced a large sake bottle. "Time to party! We brought the good stuff!"

"Alright!" _I'm glad these guys've pulled Ichigo in with the crew._ Renji looked at Ichigo and smiled. _It's great t' have all the important people in my life together like this._

**

* * *

**

Ichigo panicked. He definitely recognized that bottle. Alcohol – with this group, who had never heard of 'moderation' – would not go well with his current emotional problem. Namely the fact that he'd spent the better part of the last week covering up his hopelessly impossible attraction to his flatmate. If he had to match these guys drink for drink, he'd never be able to hide it – and that would ruin everything. The thought alone shook his tenuous control.

He stood abruptly. "Actually, I should be going. I'm supposed to meet Chad in about an hour."

"Sado-kun? Great, go get him an' bring him down." Renji invited cheerfully.

Ichigo barely put a lid on his panic. "Maybe next time. Tonight's kinda a reunion, just for school pals, yanno."

Renji gave him a surprised look. "Since when?" He sounded taken aback.

Ichigo glared. "Since when do I hafta tell you everything?" It twisted his gut to snap like that but he desperately needed to get out of there before his control wavered any more. "I'll see you guys later." He strode quickly toward the exit.

"Oi, we went t' yer school, too!" Ikkaku called after him loudly.

Ichigo ran, and hoped he'd be able to find Chad.

**

* * *

**

"Well what the fuck was that for?" Renji glowered in the direction Ichigo had gone. He grabbed the cup Ikkaku held out to him and downed it in a single gulp.

"Don't ask us, you're the one livin' with the guy." Ikkaku's tone was suggestive. "Not our job t' keep tabs on yer—"

"Shut your mouth!" Renji barked, turning away to hide the colour rising in his face.

"Oh ho, touched a nerve did I? Hehehe!" Ikkaku chortled.

"Lay off, Ikkaku, or I'll touch more'n a nerve for ya." Renji took refuge in the familiar pattern of banter and insults, hoping it would deflect the too-accurate probes of his bald friend.

"Ooh, ya think so, huh? Not gettin' too soft on this side?"

"Soft? I'll show ya soft, ya bastard!" Renji stood, dropping the empty cup on the ground.

By the time the fight was over, Ikkaku had moved on from nagging Renji to telling him more about the latest antics in Soul Society.

Renji breathed an inward sigh of relief. _It didn't mean anythin' after all, just the normal crap. I dunno what I'd do if they really had a clue…_ He picked up his cup again.

**

* * *

**

"So, are you going to talk about what's going on or are we going to have to drag it out of you?"

"Huh?" Renji blinked at Shuuhei in confusion. They'd only been drinking for a few hours but they were already well into the fourth bottle of the potent sake Ikkaku had smuggled out of Soul Society.

"What's the problem with Ichigo?" Ikkaku poked at the bruise a blow from Houzukimaru had left on Renji's neck.

"Dunno whatcha mean." Renji grabbed at the offending digit.

"Abarai-kun, it's obvious that there's something going on with Ichigo." Yumi looked at him earnestly.

_Crap… do they know? They can't know._ Renji swallowed nervously. _What do I do now? _

"Ichigo is obviously having some sort of problem. Did you have a fight?" Yumi pressed.

Renji hid his relief behind a gulp of sake. "No, it ain't that. He's just havin' some bad dreams is all. Didn't think he'd want his business spread 'round, so I didn't wanna say nothin'."

Yumichika gave Renji a long look before tactfully dropping the subject and refilling their cups.

"Well tha's just stupid. We all got 'em, comes with th' job." Ikkaku growled good-naturedly. "We're th' ones'd understand best."

"Yeah, I told him that. Helped him figure out how t' cope. 'S'all good now, I fixed it up. He's makin' good progress, his energy ain't flarin' nearly so bad anymore, so don't go talkin' 'bout it, ok?"

"But—"

"Ikkaku, we need more sake. Help me get some more from upstairs before Urahara-san finds it." Yumi dragged the bald shinigami towards the ladder.

Shuuhei waited until they were out of earshot. "What's really going on with Ichigo, Renji?"

"Told ya. Helped him figure out his nightmares. Ya believe no one else in Soul Society figured out he'd have the same kinds a' problems we do an' not have the trainin' t' handle it? Che. Stupid. Was killin' him."

Renji paused for another drink. "Was killin' me t' see it, too. He's jus' like I was, senpai, after Rukongai. Seein' 'em lyin' there, broken..." _I'm babblin' like an idiot, but as long as he buys this an' shuts up I'll take it._

Shuuhei stared at him.

"What?" Renji demanded.

"You _never_ talk about Rukongai."

"Yeah well… gotta let it be part a' my past, right?" Another drink. "Yanno that's what makes Ichigo wake up screamin'. He sees 'em, jus' like me. I tried t' help, just like you did for me, but I ain't good at that stuff."

"Seems like you did alright. His energy felt a lot like yours did after you got over the initial wave. You know after that it's just a matter of time and effort. He'll be fine, thanks to you."

"Maybe."

Silence. Renji hoped Shuuhei was finished asking uncomfortable questions, because he was out of diversionary answers and his cup was emptying fast.

"You going to tell me about that other new development I sensed in Ichigo's energy?"

_Damn, this just ain't my night._ "Don't matter. We're friends, 's'all." He took another long drink and stared fixedly at the ground.

"That's not what I saw today. And that's not what your reiatsu is telling me right now.

_Fuck, I forgot another Captain'd be able t' see right through me, 'specially if I'm drunk._ Renji sat in stony silence for a long moment before he gave up and sighed heavily.

"You care about him a lot." Shuuhei stated.

"Well a' course I do. We're friends." _Which is true – no matter what else I'm feelin' that'll always be true._ "We've been through the worst together. He's solid, yanno? Can always count on him t' be there when ya need him. Saved my ass more times 'n I can count durin' the war. An' not only that, he's got brains when he needs 'em, an' the strength t' back up his decisions."

Renji drained his cup. "When the time comes he'll be a good Captain. I wanna be that kind a' Captain, too. I'm what they made me – I don't wanna be like Kuchiki-taichou any more'n I wanna be like Zaraki-taichou, but I gotta work at it. Ichigo's got it just by bein' who he is."

"I was wrong." That finally made Renji look up in surprise. Shuuhei's eyes were serious. "You don't just _care_… you're in love with him."

"No!" _I can't let myself feel that way…_

"Cut the crap, Renji. Out of all the people in this world right now, I'm the one who's known you the longest."

"I… can't." _…no matter how much I want to._

"Can't what?"

"I _can't_ feel that way. He's a _friend_, Shuuhei. One a' the best I'll ever have." Renji protested weakly.

"What's that got to do with it?"

"Well I just can't… 's not worth losin' your best friend for somethin' that ain't important." Renji burst out.

"So that's your latest excuse, is it? It's not important?"

"…the fuck are you talkin' 'bout?"

"All these years I've known you, you've had reasons not to get involved with anyone. The advanced class at the academy took up too much time. Then you were working yourself into the ground trying to surpass Kuchiki Byakuya. And then of course the war, and taking over the 5th Division. But you ran out of excuses, so you made up another one. A pretty crappy one, too." Shuuhei looked at him pointedly.

"I… I've been havin' dreams. Jus' some dreams is all." Renji tried one last time as he upended the nearly-empty sake bottle into his cup. "It's just 'cause we've been workin' together all the time an' spendin' so much time together. It don't mean nothin'. 'S just one a' those things." He tossed back the last of the sake. "Where 'n hell're those two idiots with the booze?"

"So you've dreamed about sleeping with attractive men before, then?"

Renji felt the flush spreading over his cheeks. "No."

"But it doesn't mean anything now." Shuuhei deadpanned.

The last scrap of Renji's resolve crumbled. "You know that ain't it, Shuuhei, don't try an' make this about somethin' it ain't. That don't matter. It don't matter if it's a guy or a girl or a goat, I ain't gonna ruin a perfectly good friendship just because I went an' got _feelin's_ for Ichigo." _There, I said it, ya happy now?_

"You know this would've all been a lot easier if you'd just admitted it from the start. Cheaper, too.. that sake was expensive. I should've listened to Yumi when he said you'd resist right to the end. It doesn't have to be the end of everything, you know. It could be just the beginning of something stronger." Shuuhei made a face. "I can't believe I just said that. That _was_ good sake."

Renji stared. "You bastards… ya set me up?" he asked accusingly.

_:Someone had to. You'd just keep on fucking things up if they left you to manage this on your own. You had to swallow two of those bottles of sake before you could even admit to yourself that you've got it bad. I hope Zangetsu doesn't have to deal with the same level of crap from Ichigo.:_ The voices in his mind were as full of attitude as ever – attitude he didn't need right now.

"Shut up, asshole!"

"Excuse me?"

"Uh… not you, senpai. Zabimaru buttin' his noses in." The world tilted a bit as Renji stood, but Shuuhei's hand on his shoulder steadied him. "I really need more booze."

"C'mon," Shuuhei pushed him toward the exit. "The sake is upstairs, and they're waiting for us."

"Shuuhei?"

"Mm?"

"What'm I gonna do?"

"What do you _want_ to do? Figure that out first."

**

* * *

**

"It was fun seein' everyone again, eh Chado?" Ichigo dug in his cupboard for another bottle of sake.

"Mmhmm."

"Ahh, there it is! You want any more of this?" Ichigo waved the sloshing bottle at Chad.

"Nope."

Ichigo shrugged and refilled his cup. It was a relief to be out from under the keen eyes of the visiting shinigami officers. He deeply appreciated the friendship they extended to him, but he just couldn't afford to let anyone know that he was… that he'd fallen for Renji. The alcohol burned as he knocked back half the cup.

"Ichigo."

"Eh, Chado?"

"You are troubled."

"Uh, it's nothin'. Just some bad dreams." _I can't start talking about this, not even with Chad. That would make it too real, and then I'd have to deal with the fact that it can't ever _be_ real._

"We promised to fight for one another. I cannot fight if I do not know your goal."

_My goal? You can't fight this battle for me, Chado. My enemy is myself._ "I don't know what you mean, there's no one to fight."

"Then it is the enemy within you must face. You struggle, Ichigo, but if you do not know your goal you will not succeed."

Ichigo stared. _What does he know?_ The second half of the cup followed the first.

"Why are you not with Abarai-san and the other shinigami tonight?"

"Thought it'd be nice to give 'em the chance to catch up. Besides, I haven't seen much of you guys since, well since I've been kinda busy with this shinigami stuff this summer, yanno, Renji bein' here. He's so completely clueless, yanno." _Why did he pick now of all times to become talkative?_

"But they are your friends, too, and they are only here now. We will still be here when they are gone."

_When they are gone… when…_ Ichigo's lips went numb from the shock.

"It's late. I should go home. It's a shame the shinigami could not join us this evening. I enjoyed their company in Soul Society. Perhaps next time. Please give them my best."

"Chado…"

"Ichigo. Remember. If it's worth having, it's worth fighting for. You taught me that." Chad shut the door behind him quietly, leaving Ichigo to his thoughts.

**

* * *

**

**Omake**  
_Ch 4 omake_

Renji: Now that's more like it! Nothin' like a good drunk t' get a story movin'.

Akuni: Glad you enjoyed yourself…

Ichigo: Did he ever!

Renji: Aw, don't go tellin' her that!

Akuni: Hey hey, you guys are getting ahead of the story/exasperated/

Ichigo: Ahh, sorry.

Renji: At least we didn't get thrown outta a karaoke bar like some people…

Akuni: Man you guys are _never_ gonna let me forget that, are you?

Renji/Ichigo: Hell no!


	5. Chapter 5 Revelation

I did it! I finally finished this story! pant pant It took over a month - partly because work was kicking my ass, but mostly because it just demanded so much more detail and depth than I'd originally planned. Who am I to argue with the muse?

**Title:** Nexus  
**Author:** Akuni  
**Genre:** Drama/Romance  
**Rating:** M for 'Much Smut'  
**Pairing:** Renji/Ichigo  
**Spoilers:** read through Soul Society & Arrancar Arcs  
**Word Count(total):** 20,500 (omfg!)  
**Word Count(chapter):** 2000

** Disclaimer:** I do not own Bleach, I'm just borrowing it for a while.  
**Distribution:** Also posted to my LJ & comms. Please ask if you want to share it :)

** Dedication:** To all fellow Renji/Ichigo fangirls/guys out there. We know it's impossible, we know it's silly, and we know it's _damned hot!_

** A/N:** My Bleach OTP is RenRuki, but I'm hooked on fandom Renji/Ichigo (ya ya I say this for each story, so what! ) After much blushing and chickening out (and wine), I managed to write the smut. Go me! Why is it so much harder to write than to read? Although come to think of it, the first time I read RenjixIchigo smut I did so peering between my fingers as I covered my eyes, and I'm pretty sure all the blood in my body was in my face - that might explain the swooning.

**

* * *

**

**Chapter 5 - Revelation **

Even through the sake, Ichigo had sensed them coming easily, since they were making no attempts to mask their energy. Still, he stiffened when the two shinigami captains stumbled through his door, both in spirit form, laughing and shushing each other. Hisagi was supporting Renji around the waist, and Renji had one long arm draped over the other captain's shoulders. Ichigo had had a few himself, but he could see Renji was _completely_ drunk, and Hisagi not far from it. Their clothes were rumpled, Renji's hair hung loose and tangled, and Hisagi's stuck up even wilder than usual – in short, they were wrecked.

_"Ask Shuuhei how many times I woke him up in the night."_ A horrible suspicion filled Ichigo's mind as Renji's voice echoed in his memory. He hadn't thought about it before, taking it as the act of a comrade who understood the pain and guilt, but now that simple admission suddenly seemed a lot more significant. Ichigo's heart contracted painfully. _I can't take this, I just can't… why the hell did they have to come here?_

"Hello—"

"Yo, Ichi!" Renji cut Hisagi off loudly. "Y' missed a helluva party!"

Ichigo scowled. "Huh. Chad and I met up with Keigo and Mizuiro, so I didn't have too bad a time myself."

Hisagi looked at him curiously for a moment. Ichigo didn't know or care what Hisagi thought of him right now, as long as he got the hell out of there and left him alone. He opened his mouth to invite them to take rest of their drunken party elsewhere.

Understanding dawned on Hisagi's face. "Ahh, I see! You're wrong, you know, there's no reason to be je—hey!"

"Ah, senpai, s'late, ya don' wanna keep Ichigo up, ne?" Renji was shoving Hisagi out the door none too gently. "Thanks fer the company on the way home."

"Ok, ok, I'm going. Goodnight Ichig—" The door slammed behind him.

Renji struggled to kick off his shoes. "Eh, don' mind Shuuhei, he's a li'l drunk. Bastard Urahara spiked th' booze."

"Didn't expect you back tonight." Ichigo tried but couldn't quite keep the edge out of his tone.

"Live here, don' I?"

"Guess so."

"S'good t' see th' guys again." Renji's speech was slurred and his steps definitely unsteady as he attempted to change for bed. "Ikkaku an' Yumi wanna spar with ya again t'morrow, an' Shuuhei… ah fuck it…" Renji stumbled against Ichigo's desk, his shirt gaping at the neck as it caught on the edge. Ichigo stared – what was… was that a _bruise…?_

"Yeah, I'm sure you had a real nice time." Ichigo stifled a groan, and wished he could sew his lips shut. Part of him wanted to know, wanted to take the chance, but mostly he just wanted the burning hole in his chest to go away.

"What 'n hell is that supposed t' mean?" Renji gave Ichigo a confused look and tried to brush the hair out of his eyes.

"Nothin', never mind. I'm tired, I'm going to sleep." Ichigo tried desperately to head off the conversation before the alcohol encouraged him to let slip anything else. He sat on the edge of his bed, gripping his knees with his hands.

"What the fuck is wrong with you? They're your friends, too, same's me." Renji's stare was intense.

"It's not the same at all, and I _said_ never mind, just forget I said anythin'." Ichigo sent up a silent plea to any being in the universe that might be listening that this conversation ended before he said something he couldn't take back.

"Yanno no one told ya ta race outta there like yer ass was on fire. An' a child coulda seen through that flimsy excuse." The tension in the room grew heavy as their energies flared and reacted.

Something inside him snapped. "I couldn't take the risk, alright?" Ichigo shouted.

"Risk? What risk, th' risk a' havin' a good time with yer _friends?_" Renji hollered back.

"The risk of getting hammered enough to let those maniacs figure out how I feel about you!" Ichigo spat the words straight from his heart. He froze. _Oh crap, that's it, it's over…_

"I got news for ya Ichigo, they're rankin' shinigami with lifetimes of experience in readin' reiatsu, they already know how we feel!" Renji shot back, seeming unperturbed by Ichigo's inadvertent revelation.

"You… what did you say?" Ichigo's voice was the barest whisper above the roaring of his own heartbeat in his ears. _We…_

Renji dropped down beside him on the edge of the bed. "There ain't enough booze in either world to make it stop – I know 'cause I tried to drown my feelin's, but that just makes 'em stronger. I got an earful about it from Shuuhei – he n' Yumi think I'm bein' stupid, an' Ikkaku tried t' beat it outta me, but all that got us was bruises." Renji rubbed the mark on his neck ruefully.

_He said… I'm such an idiot…_

The spiritual pressure had grown thicker; Ichigo fought to regain his breath, and distantly felt Renji fighting a similar struggle beside him.

_What do we do now?_

He turned to face his friend, and found himself looking Renji full in the face. Their eyes met briefly, but didn't lock. Ichigo's eyes wandered over Renji's features, and he felt the same inspection being applied to himself.

Ichigo examined the curves and angles of Renji's face, half hidden by the hair hanging in front of his eyes. He allowed himself to finally look fully at the inky lines zigzagging up the other man's neck and brow. His eyes followed the path down the sharp nose to the slightly parted lips.

_It's too late to turn back now._

Ichigo raised his eyes to meet Renji's gaze.

Renji's hands closed on his shoulders, their warmth spreading down through Ichigo's body in a wave. Ichigo's fingers threaded themselves through the fiery strands that shadowed the shinigami's face and pulled him close as he'd ached to do for so long.

Their mouths crashed together, hot and demanding. Soft, firm lips slid against each other, opening to seeking tongues that tried to devour each other whole. Ichigo didn't know who moaned first but he didn't care, as long as he could feel Renji vibrating against him like that forever.

The energy still flowed between them like lightning when they finally broke apart. They sat, staring, panting for breath, neither one relinquishing their grasp on the other.

Until Renji's eyes fluttered shut and he collapsed back on Ichigo's bed, unconscious.

**

* * *

**

Ichigo stared up at the ceiling. He'd been staring up at the ceiling for nearly an hour, and he was no closer to sleep now than he had been when he settled himself on the spare futon. It wasn't quite as wide or as comfortable as his bed, but that wasn't the problem – the current occupant of the bed was the cause of his sleeplessness.

_What happened tonight was unbelievable. It wasn't just the sake… there's really no mistakin' that energy once you've felt it._ The sensation of their spiritual energies blending together and rushing through them as they kissed was the most indescribably intense experience Ichigo had ever had.

He listened as Renji's breathing finally slipped into the pattern of normal sleep. _For a guy who passed out drunk, he sure seems to be sleepin' ok now._

_So what happens now? This changes everything. But how?_ Ichigo shifted nervously. _There's no chance we can just pretend it never happened. I'll never be able to forget it, either._

A chill shivered its way down his spine and jabbed painfully at his heart as Renji's words suddenly came back to him.

_"Bastard Urahara spiked th' booze."_ The 'good stuff' Ikkaku smuggled in from Soul Society, plus whatever Urahara considered an appropriate 'spiking' agent...

_Will he even remember what happened?_ Ichigo wrestled with the new thought that Renji might just forget. It wasn't impossible – Ichigo's memories of his first outing with Renji's friends were definitely hazy in places, and Renji was at least as drunk as Ichigo had been that night. Ichigo had to run through the breathing exercises several times to steady his nerves before his pulse began to slow, but the nervous tension refused to leave his body.

A new sensation prickled his senses. The atmosphere in the room shifted subtly. _What… that's Renji's reiatsu. But he's sound asleep, I can feel it…_

It was unmistakably Renji's energy; Ichigo knew his spiritual signature more intimately than anyone else's after it had so recently flooded through him.

Ichigo felt himself responding, reaching back to the questing tendrils of energy emanating from the sleeping shinigami. He hadn't consciously extended, but he couldn't bring himself to fight his instinctive reaction. Their energies blended again, gently this time, and Ichigo was soothed by the comforting warmth that spread over him like a blanket.

He had no idea what would happen in the morning, but this was what he wanted right now.

_What do I want to happen? Do I have the guts to take the chance?_

Ichigo felt his eyes grow heavy.

_If he meets me halfway…_

_**

* * *

** _

_What 'n hell did Urahara put in that sake, anyway?_ Renji's brain was barely functioning as he crawled out of bed and stumbled toward the sink. _Water… need water… even my eyeballs are dry._ He fumbled at the cupboard trying to find a cup, but gave up and just drank out of his hands. He splashed water over his face, managing to soak himself in the process. _Heh, I'm still drunk._

The night air was comfortable, but Renji was drawn back insistently to the comforting warmth at the other side of the room. He pulled off his wet shirt and made an attempt to dry his hands with it before dropping it and staggering across the room.

Renji couldn't see anything in the pitch blackness of the night, but somehow his feet traced the path unerringly to his futon. His contentment grew with each step. _I don't remember the last time I felt this good…_

A memory tugged from the back of his mind as he slid under the light blanket. Something about…

_Ichigo?_ His half-conscious mind groped for the elusive thread, but darkness beckoned again and it was gone.

_**

* * *

** _

**Omake**  
_Ch 5 omake_

Renji: Finally we're gettin' t' the action!

Akuni: Told ya I'd get you there, didn't I?

Renji: Took ya long enough! This story was supposed t' be 2, _maybe_ 3 chapters. We're on chapter 5 now.

Akuni: I told ya before, I wanted to build the plot properly!

Ichigo: I like the plot. I'm not gettin' torn up in an obvious attempt to underdog me before I find my resolve and somehow acquire higher power levels to defeat my ridiculously over-inflated opponent.

Akuni: Thank you, at least _you_ understand. Although you kinda _are_ getting torn up, emotionally speaking… but we call that 'character development' around here.

Renji: Hey I understand plenty. Plot's fine, I just think ya need t' admit the real point is getting us naked.

Ichigo: I like that part, too. Hot sex is always good.

Akuni: Fine! The real point is getting you both naked and sweaty together under the sheets. Happy now?

Renji: No, but I bet I'm gonna be real soon.

Ichigo: . /snicker/


	6. Chapter 6 Concurrence

I did it! I finally finished this story /pant pant/ It took over a month - partly because work was kicking my ass, but mostly because it just demanded so much more detail and depth than I'd originally planned. Who am I to argue with the muse?

**Title:** Nexus  
**Author:** Akuni  
**Genre:** Drama/Romance  
**Rating:** M for 'Much Smut'  
**Pairing:** Renji/Ichigo  
**Spoilers:** read through Soul Society & Arrancar Arcs  
**Word Count(total):** 20,500 (omfg!)  
**Word Count(chapter):** 2000

** Disclaimer:** I do not own Bleach, I'm just borrowing it for a while.  
**Distribution:** Also posted to my LJ & comms. Please ask if you want to share it :)

** Dedication:** To all fellow Renji/Ichigo fangirls/guys out there. We know it's impossible, we know it's silly, and we know it's _damned hot!_

** A/N:** My Bleach OTP is RenRuki, but I'm hooked on fandom Renji/Ichigo (ya ya I say this for each story, so what! ) After much blushing and chickening out (and wine), I managed to write the smut. Go me! Why is it so much harder to write than to read? Although come to think of it, the first time I read RenjixIchigo smut I did so peering between my fingers as I covered my eyes, and I'm pretty sure all the blood in my body was in my face - that might explain the swooning.

**

* * *

**

**Chapter 6 - Concurrence**

The next time Renji woke, he was immediately aware of two things. One, even without opening his eyes he could tell the room was bright with sunlight, meaning he'd slept very, very late. And two… he was not alone on his futon.

His arm was wrapped under and around a trim waist, and there were legs tangled up with his. He felt a muscular arm thrown over his chest, curled around him possessively. What's more, he realized that his reiatsu was extended and firmly meshed with… with Ichigo's. He was currently wrapped around _Ichigo_. Physically and spiritually.

And oh, but it felt good. It felt _right._ Not even in his dreams had he realized how much he craved the feeling of completeness he now felt.

_How did this happen? What exactly happ—_ As quickly as that, the entire night replayed itself in Renji's mind. _I… we… hell, what do we do now?_ He felt incredibly comfortable and content, lying there intertwined with Ichigo.

_He kissed me – or I kissed him, or maybe both. We kissed. An' he said he felt somethin' for me. I felt… I still feel… it's amazin' how we fit together. But I dunno how he's gonna take this – what if it's too soon? What if it was just the booze encouragin' him before he was really ready? I don't wanna wreck whatever we got together. I… I want this, more'n anythin' else right now, but I can wait if it means savin' the friendship and havin' a chance at this again later._

Renji kept his eyes shut and made sure to breathe deeply and evenly. There was no way he could move without waking Ichigo, so he feigned sleep. He couldn't make this decision for both of them on his own. When Ichigo woke, he'd be able to slip out of Renji's grasp and out of the situation if that was what he wanted – but Renji was going to enjoy this stolen moment for as long as it lasted.

**

* * *

**

Ichigo woke slowly, unwilling to give up the warmth and contentment of the best sleep he'd had in all the years since the war. No nightmares, no dreams that made him ache for hours for something he couldn't have. Just peace, and a sense of comfort and _completeness_ that made him feel almost balanced again. The only other time he'd felt that whole was last night when…

The memory of the kiss woke his mind completely, and shocked his other senses into action. An arm curved loosely around his waist, and his legs were pinned between another's. Ichigo's own arm rested on a firm chest, hand wound up around a smooth neck and buried in what he knew without looking was a tangled red mane. Not only that, but… the warmth he felt was not just the heat of two bodies curled together, it was the result of his extended reiatsu fused tightly with Renji's.

_This is what I've been craving. I don't wanna move. Please just let me stay here like this a little while longer…_

But Ichigo wasn't sure how they'd wound up in that position. _Renji passed out on the bed, how did we end up like this? He must've gotten up in the night. Did he do this on purpose – no, he was probably just half asleep, dead drunk, and moving on instinct back to his usual bed._

_But he admitted he has feelings for me. That incredible kiss… that has to have meant somethin'. I know what I felt – I can still feel it in his energy. We both feel the same way, and now we both know it. So where do we go from here?_

Ichigo listened to Renji's quiet, even breathing as he weighed his decision. _I want this, I want this so badly._ Ichigo's heart sped up as he made the silent declaration, and he was surprised to feel Renji's heartbeat quicken in response.

_He's awake… he's awake and he's not movin'._ Ichigo concentrated on the steady flow of their combined energies, knowing it would reveal his own alertness, and it was there he found his answer. _He's givin' me the chance to respond. He's put himself in the position to be rejected if I choose to walk away from this or pretend it never happened._

_I want to have this. It's worth fighting for._ A wave of calm swept over Ichigo as his energy and emotions finally found balance.

Ichigo slid his hand down and closed it decisively around Renji's shoulder. The arm around Ichigo's waist tightened, pulling him closer in response. Their hearts beat wildly as their bodies pressed together.

Their combined energies pulsed once, then settled, shot through with one overwhelming focus – desire.

They drew apart slowly, and opened their eyes.

"Are ya sure about this?" Renji murmured, his voice low and heavy. His hand traced a path down the side of Ichigo's jaw.

Ichigo looked calmly into the dark eyes that held his. "Are _you?_" His own hands slid down to rest on the shinigami's hips.

"I know what I want. _This_ is worth takin' a chance on." The aura of desire grew even stronger. "But if it's too soon, I can… I'll wait. We're friends first an' forever, ya know that, so I'll wait for as long as ya need. But ya gotta tell me now, 'cause—" Renji's hand trembled under Ichigo's chin.

"I want _you._"

The energy in the room spiked just like before when they brought their lips together. They let their hands and lips explore each other slowly. Renji's calloused hands left feather-soft touches on Ichigo's face, sending delightful shivers down his spine. Ichigo made a small noise in the back of his throat, and pulled himself closer with a hand on the back of Renji's neck.

The touches grew more passionate and less deliberate. The light blanket was thrown off the side of the futon in their eagerness to remove the final barriers between them. Ichigo relinquished Renji's lips reluctantly – passion rose in his belly when he saw the naked hunger on Renji's face as he pulled away. The blanket was soon joined by the clothing they tore off each other in their haste.

Ichigo ran his hands down the muscular torso, tracing the dark tattooed lines with his fingertips. His mouth followed the lines on the smooth neck, nipping gently, relishing Renji's pleased growls. Ichigo didn't hesitate when the inky path led his hands farther down. It was both familiar and unfamiliar at the same time, but Ichigo didn't have time to reflect on this marvel as he was suddenly grasped in the same manner.

Willingness to experiment and learn was a good substitute for experience. It wasn't difficult for them to figure out what the other enjoyed when their energies were still so tightly meshed… or when your partner was so vocal. Each tingle was echoed by a gasp or a moan that let them know they'd done something very right.

Curiosity drove Ichigo's mouth down to where his hands were busily educating themselves. He tasted passion and desire in the salty sweetness, and he wanted more. He grew bolder, taking the heated flesh into his mouth and exploring the contours with his lips and tongue before gently scraping with his teeth. A strangled groan, and suddenly Renji's hands were gripping his hair.

"Stop… Ichigo, I… wait." Renji's breathing was ragged and his body quivered in a way that sent a jolt of pleasure straight to Ichigo's brain.

Ichigo let himself be drawn back up. His lips were captured briefly before Renji pulled away and ran his eyes down Ichigo's flushed body.

"My turn," he whispered.

When the heat of Renji's mouth enveloped him, Ichigo immediately understood the need for the sudden stop. Every nerve tingled as smooth wetness swirled around him. A flick of the tongue right _there_ had Ichigo clutching Renji's shoulders, hips twitching uncontrollably. He welcomed the slick fingers exploring lower, something inside him aching for the touch. Ichigo felt the pressure building and he needed…

"I need… ahh, Renji…"

Renji rolled on top of him and slid his knees between Ichigo's legs. His tongue dove back into Ichigo's willing mouth, and he groaned when Ichigo wrapped his legs around his waist and pulled him closer. He entered carefully, slowly, trying not to trigger the waves that already approached them both.

They rested like that for a long moment, lips and tongues dancing together slowly, hearts pounding furiously as their joined bodies thrummed with the energy swirling around them.

"Now you're _mine._" Renji's voice was husky with barely-controlled passion as he whispered the words against Ichigo's lips, dark eyes locked onto brown.

Then he began to move. The shock that slammed through Ichigo's body drove the breath from his lungs in a gasp of pleasure. His arms went around his lover, his hands finding their places on Renji's back and hip. When the flash of ecstasy hit him again, Ichigo found himself biting into the tattooed shoulder to keep the scream locked in his throat.

Renji leaned his forehead against Ichigo's even as he shivered in response. "Want to hear you." he murmured. Ichigo's reply was a moan as Renji shifted, sending that blinding sensation through him once more.

Ichigo lifted his hips in time with Renji's movements, clinging desperately, helplessly, as the heat sizzled between them. Their breath came faster and heavier, the thrusts pushing harder and quicker as they became accustomed to each other's pace.

Renji kissed him again before burying his face in Ichigo's neck, nipping at the skin. He slid his hand between them and began stroking Ichigo firmly.

"Need you… so good… mmh…" Renji's whispers were soft even right next to Ichigo's ear, but the intensity of emotion washed over Ichigo and sent him spiralling over the edge. Their cries were indistinguishable as Renji drove into him urgently, sending the waves crashing over Ichigo again and again before he clutched Ichigo tightly and shuddered with his own release.

Ichigo's arms and legs tightened instinctively when Renji's full weight settled on him, even as they shook from the incredible sensations still shooting through his mind and body. Chests heaving together, they lay entwined as the last tremors spread through them, passing between body and spirit.

Soft lips brushed over the marks on Ichigo's neck and shoulder, bringing him back to himself. He felt the tendrils of hair tickling his chest, the delicious ache in his muscles, the tingling of his nerves.

There was no trace of regret, not even a hint of worry in their combined reiatsu.

"Don't go; you're warm." Ichigo caught at Renji's arm as the shinigami shifted to sit up.

Renji's laugh was low and sleepy. "Don't worry… you're stuck with me." The kiss he pressed to Ichigo's lips was soft. He rolled over only long enough to retrieve the blanket they'd kicked to the floor before settling back against Ichigo. They wrapped their arms around each other again, fitting themselves together. Long minutes passed in comfortable silence, and Ichigo felt himself growing drowsy.

"We should probably get up… we're a mess." Ichigo said through a yawn.

"Don't care."

"Yeah, me either."

"You bit me." Renji examined the teeth marks on his shoulder.

"You liked it." Ichigo defended his actions with a grin.

"I ain't complainin', just statin' a fact."

"You bit me back." Ichigo felt obliged to point this out.

"Well yeah. Fair's fair. You…" A yawn. "…marked me, so I can't have ya…" Another yawn. "…walkin' 'round unclaimed now, can I? Gotta mark my territory, too." Renji reached out and curled his fingers around Ichigo's.

As Ichigo drifted off, he caught the end of Renji's mumbled reply.

"We ain't the love 'em an' leave 'em type."

**

* * *

**

**Omake**  
_Ch 6 omake_

Akuni: There! Whaddaya think of _that?_

…

…

Akuni: Guys?

Akuni: Oh… right. They're busy. /sweatdrop/

…

Akuni: Guess this means we're not going out to karaoke tonight. /pout/


	7. Chapter 7 Balance

I did it! I finally finished this story/pant pant/ It took over a month - partly because work was kicking my ass, but mostly because it just demanded so much more detail and depth than I'd originally planned. Who am I to argue with the muse?

**Title:** Nexus  
**Author:** Akuni  
**Genre:** Drama/Romance  
**Rating:** M for 'Much Smut'  
**Pairing:** Renji/Ichigo  
**Spoilers:** read through Soul Society & Arrancar Arcs  
**Word Count(total):** 20,500 (omfg!)  
**Word Count(chapter):** 2500

** Disclaimer:** I do not own Bleach, I'm just borrowing it for a while.  
**Distribution:** Also posted to my LJ & comms. Please ask if you want to share it :)

** Dedication:** To all fellow Renji/Ichigo fangirls/guys out there. We know it's impossible, we know it's silly, and we know it's _damned hot!_

** A/N:** My Bleach OTP is RenRuki, but I'm hooked on fandom Renji/Ichigo (ya ya I say this for each story, so what! ) After much blushing and chickening out (and wine), I managed to write the smut. Go me! Why is it so much harder to write than to read? Although come to think of it, the first time I read RenjixIchigo smut I did so peering between my fingers as I covered my eyes, and I'm pretty sure all the blood in my body was in my face - that might explain the swooning.

**

* * *

**

**Chapter 7 – Balance**

Again Renji woke first. The angle of sunlight shining through the curtain told him it was already noon. Staying in bed with Ichigo was tempting, but they were supposed to meet the others back at Urahara's after lunch, and Renji decided they'd better put in an appearance before they were hunted down. Besides, there was still something they needed to do first. He eased himself off the futon so as not to disturb his dozing lover, and snagged his abandoned pyjama bottoms as he headed for the shower.

_Lovers. Who woulda guessed things'd turn out this way?_ Renji mused as he performed his ablutions._ Heh… never woulda believed it a year ago that I'd be feelin' this way now. Sure I liked hangin' out with the guy, an' I kinda missed his company, but this's a whole other thing._

He pulled on his pants and quickly towelled his hair before kneeling next to the futon. _It's more'n just that, though. The friendship is still there, it's just there's somethin' else there now, too. _

Renji ran his fingers down the side of Ichigo's neck, tracing the small bruises. He smirked at the notion of Ichigo walking around with _his_ marks on his neck. They'd be gone in a day, but he could always make more.

"C'mon, get up."

"Mmph." Ichigo buried his face in the pillow.

Renji chuckled. "We gotta get movin', they're gonna be lookin' for us at Urahara's in an hour. You get cleaned up, I'll make the tea," he offered.

"How come you're not hung over?" Ichigo grumbled as he sat up and stretched.

"Hell if I know." Renji shrugged. "Probably somethin' t' do with whatever Urahara slipped in the sake. An' I seem t' remember gettin' up an' drinkin' half a lake outta the tap last night." Renji busied himself in the kitchen as Ichigo reluctantly dragged himself out of the blankets.

**

* * *

**

Ichigo felt a great deal better after the shower, and the hot cup of tea that appeared next to the sink. He was almost looking forward to spending the afternoon with the friends he'd avoided somewhat rudely the night before. Ichigo paused as he wrapped a towel around his waist. _How're we gonna handle this with them? We'd better figure that out._

"Oi, Renji!" he called. "What do we wanna tell those guys? I kinda owe 'em an apology, but… is this somethin' we wanna… I mean, how should we…?" Ichigo wasn't sure how the change between them was going to affect things with the people around them. He stepped out into the main room.

Renji was lounging in the one comfortable chair Ichigo had room for, looking up at him between the bright red strands that shaded one eye. Ichigo felt his pulse quicken at the blatantly sensual look Renji was giving him.

"Dunno. You wanna tell someone in particular or just let folks find out?" Renji asked, his voice pitched low and seductive. Ichigo knew it had to be deliberate. _Damn if it isn't workin', too._

"It's no one's business, but I don't wanna make a big secret out of it." Ichigo couldn't concentrate with Renji's eyes staring at him so intently. _Time to turn the tables…_

Ichigo tucked his thumb into the towel wrapped around his waist. He felt a smirk pulling at his mouth as Renji's lips parted ever so slightly. _Hehe… two can play this game._

"No reason t' be secret. Plenty a' reason t' brag, but we ain't the type. So just let 'em figure it out on their own." Renji shrugged lazily.

"And Shuuhei and the others?"

"They already know most everythin'." His eyes ran up and down Ichigo's body.

"I need to say somethin' about the way I acted. I was just so…" Ichigo loosened his towel. The energy level in the room spiked in a way that was becoming very familiar.

"They don't need t' know the details, but they're gonna figure out somethin's changed. For one thing, ya don't feel off-balance anymore. For 'nother, I'm pretty sure we ain't had our reiatsu apart since sometime last night." The look Renji gave him was positively smouldering. "The way we mesh together so easily, without even realizin', pretty much a dead giveaway. Should pay attention t' that; can't go 'round attached all the time, we'd be worn out. Anyway, just tell 'em sorry, an' thanks, and that'll be that. Ya know they don't care 'bout that sorta thing anyway."

Ichigo nodded. _Glad there's not gonna be a problem there. _

"There's still one thing left we need t' do before that, though." Renji stood and moved smoothly to Ichigo's side.

"What's that?"

Renji grabbed him by the shoulders and pulled him close.

"You're _mine,_" he growled. "Now make me _yours._"

Ichigo hadn't thought of himself as the possessive type, but something coiling within him suddenly burned at the notion, igniting the fire in their combined reiatsu. The way the powerful shinigami was asking – demanding – for Ichigo to claim him… Without further thought he pressed a hard kiss to Renji's lips and pushed him down onto the bed.

If the first time was passion, then this second time was lust. Towel and pants hit the floor. Ichigo crawled on top of the flame-haired shinigami, pinning him with his weight as he fastened their mouths together again.

Their hands were already working on each other eagerly. It felt so damn good – Renji was either a fast learner or a good guesser. Ichigo had every intention of drawing this out and investigating his lover thoroughly. He was a fast learner, too.

Their breath was already coming hard and fast when Ichigo broke the kiss. His lips brushed their way across his lover's cheek before kissing Renji's jaw right below his ear. A sudden shiver gave Ichigo the clue. He flicked his tongue out experimentally, tickling the spot again. Renji's fingers slowed, then squeezed Ichigo tightly even as surprise and pleasure threaded through their energies. Might as well have painted Ichigo a sign.

His mouth latched onto Renji's earlobe, sliding his tongue around it. When Ichigo gently applied his teeth, Renji practically _purred_.

"Ears, huh?" Ichigo whispered, letting his lips brush the apparently sensitive flesh in question.

"Seems like," Renji shivered again as Ichigo flicked his tongue inside.

Ichigo's lips continued their exploration, once again following the dark tattooed lines down Renji's neck and chest.

"'S like a map," Renji's voice held amusement as well as desire.

"I like 'em," Ichigo's response was partly muffled as he trailed his tongue down one long fang on Renji's abdomen.

He looked up into his lover's eyes; Renji was staring down at him with a glazed expression. Ichigo opened his lips seductively, and sent his tongue out to… lick his fingers. Renji dropped his head back down on the bed with a groan.

Ichigo moved up to crush his lips to Renji's again as he gently pushed his fingers inside. The way Renji quivered against him made Ichigo shiver himself in response. Ichigo felt Renji's hips twitching upward as he pushed in farther.

One spot in particular caught his attention as he moved his fingers back and forth. Ichigo twisted his fingertips over it experimentally, and was rewarded with Renji's hoarse cry.

"I need you in me _now_."

The electricity between them turned into lightning that shocked every nerve in Ichigo's body, hearing the desire in the insistent voice, seeing the hunger in the dark eyes. Renji's hands trembled as they clutched Ichigo's waist and shoulder tightly.

This time when their bodies joined, it was Ichigo staring down into his lover's flushed face. Ichigo trembled, dazed by the emotions flooding him and revelling in the feeling of Renji's heat surrounding him. He brushed his lips over Renji's lightly once, twice, before he uttered the words he knew they both needed to hear.

"Mine." Ichigo thrust his hips to emphasize the point. Renji arched under him, groaning and growling with satisfaction.

"Forever." Renji's arms tightened around his lover possessively.

"Forever," Ichigo affirmed. The surge of energy between them swept away all thoughts beyond the immediate need to _move_.

Ichigo was nearly drowning in the new sensations. This was the most incredible feeling. The scorching heat and tightness of this embrace was overwhelming all of his senses. He slid in and out slowly, relishing the surprisingly soft little sounds the shinigami was making beneath him. Ichigo found the noises his lover was making as incredibly arousing as Renji had.

The expression on Renji's face drove Ichigo wild. It was the same expression he knew he'd worn himself earlier that morning. The thought that he'd inspired that look of pure wanton pleasure brought words unconsciously to his lips.

"You feel so good," he murmured, watching the pleasure building in his lover's eyes. "Seein' you like this… amazing." Ichigo ground his hips down against Renji's, quickening the pace. Renji growled again and wrapped his legs around Ichigo's back, pulling him in even closer and rising up to meet him solidly.

Ichigo lowered his head again, tasting deeply of the mouth that opened so willingly to his probing tongue. The thought that he had such power sent a rush through Ichigo that echoed in their combined energies, sending them tumbling toward the brink.

Ichigo felt the surge as he reached down and stroked Renji quickly. Again their cries blended into one. Hands and knees dug in, gripping Ichigo fiercely as the tight heat contracted around him, drawing a rumbling sound from his chest. Ichigo's body moved almost on its own, thrusting him in firmly, striking something deep within Renji that had his lover crying out raggedly. The sound of his own name escaping Renji's lips as the wetness splashed between them was more than enough. Ichigo's head dropped onto Renji's shoulder, and he let his lover's body support him as pleasure shot through every nerve, weakening his arms and making his head spin from the sheer ecstasy.

They lay panting, limbs that were finally exhausted from the day's repeated exercise still locked around each other. When they caught their breath, they untangled themselves and settled more comfortably on the bed, curled up side by side. Ichigo rested his head on Renji's shoulder, smiling as he felt the strong arm snaking around him and resting familiarly on his waist – he was coming to enjoy these moments of closeness afterward.

Renji's arm tightened around Ichigo as he broke the comfortable silence.

"That's a serious word, for shinigami."

"I know."

"Good." Renji declared. "Saves me havin' t' compete with your other admirers. Hate t' hafta kill 'em all."

Ichigo snorted. "No competition."

Their words were light-hearted, but the emotion flooding through their energies made their meaning unmistakable.

**

* * *

**

"We _really_ need t' get up an' get goin' now. Just 'cause they're gonna figure this out instantly don't mean I really want 'em walkin' in on it." Renji grinned and pushed Ichigo over easily. "Plus I left my gigai over there – who knows what they'll do with it."

"Yeah, yeah." Ichigo reached down to retrieve his towel from the floor, and made an attempt to clean up.

"It's hopeless; we're gonna need another shower." Renji's smirk was pleased. As he looked around for clean clothes, he noticed something on Ichigo's desk that made him nearly miss a step.

_Oh hell, please tell me that ain't what it looks like…_

Renji groaned as he picked up the note. There were three distinct sets of writing on it. "Ichigo," he began. "We had company."

**

* * *

**

"What! When? Who?" Ichigo didn't want to think about the possibilities for embarrassment.

"Guess."

Renji read the note aloud, taking a stab at impersonating the authors' speaking voices.

_"Hey. We've been called back to Soul Society. Some kind of crisis – nothing major, but all leave has been cancelled. I'm sure you'll hear about it when you wake up. We stopped by to say goodbye this morning but you were both fast asleep. You're a lucky bastard Renji, you know that? Ichigo, the next time you come to visit we'll have to do something more with that tattoo. Renji has some good ones, I'm sure you've seen them. Something in a 'Zabimaru' motif. See ya, Strawberry."_

"Shuuhei," Ichigo guessed with a shake of his head. Renji snickered, and continued.

_"See yas later. Ichigo, come visit us sometime, will ya? You ain't been back ta Soul Society in years, an' it's yer turn ta buy th' booze. We'll even promise not ta pass out drunk on yer – on Renji's floor this time so ya can have a nice 'visit'."_

Ichigo grinned even as he felt his cheeks grow red. "Ikkaku," he stated confidently. Renji did a more than passable imitation of his former squad mate.

_"Love is a beautiful thing; even Ikkaku's crude innuendo cannot spoil it. We look forward to your next visit to Soul Society, and I promise to _try_ to keep you out of any more tattoo parlours."_

Ichigo couldn't hold in the laughter as Renji over-dramatized Yumichika's flowery speech, but that one word stuck out in his mind. He eyed Renji curiously, wondering what he thought of Yumichika's blatant statement.

Renji quirked a tattooed eyebrow in return. "What?"

"You were right. They already knew."

"Che. 'Course I was right. Known those guys a long time." Renji shrugged. "They've known me a long time, too. We don't need Yumi t' state the obvious, though."

"Nope." Warmth flooded through their combined reiatsu, settling comfortably around Ichigo's heart.

"Looks like we got the day t' ourselves then. Whatcha wanna do?" Renji grinned at him.

Ichigo looked around. "Laundry."

"Eh!" Renji blinked.

"We wrecked all the sheets."

"Oh." Renji snickered.

**

* * *

**

**Omake**  
_Ch 7 omake_

Akuni: Whew, that was harder than I expected. Renji, you just kept uke'ing out too much and I had to keep editing you. It's important that you both share equally, but I usually think of you as seme. I really didn't know you had that in ya. Uh, figuratively, I mean…

…

Akuni: Aw hell. /waits/

…

Ichigo: Sorry we're late.

Akuni: Ichigo, finally! Ok seriously, how can he change like that so much? One minute he's a total badass, a real junkyard dog, and the next he's whimpering like a puppy!

Renji: I heard that, yanno.

Ichigo: I'm just that good. /flex/

Renji: Hey, I'm _right here!_

Ichigo: Well I _was!_

Renji: Yeah I remember, I was _there_, idiot.

Ichigo: You were damn good, too.

Renji: Hehe… true. Made ya scream pretty loud.

Akuni: Aww!

Renji/Ichigo: . /stare/

Akuni: Riiight… I'll just go… write the rest of the story now…

Renji/Ichigo: Good.


	8. Chapter 8 Reassurance

I did it! I finally finished this story/pant pant/ It took over a month - partly because work was kicking my ass, but mostly because it just demanded so much more detail and depth than I'd originally planned. Who am I to argue with the muse?

**Title:** Nexus  
**Author:** Akuni  
**Genre:** Drama/Romance  
**Rating:** M for 'Much Smut'  
**Pairing:** Renji/Ichigo  
**Spoilers:** read through Soul Society & Arrancar Arcs  
**Word Count(total):** 20,500 (omfg!)  
**Word Count(chapter):** 1500

** Disclaimer:** I do not own Bleach, I'm just borrowing it for a while.  
**Distribution:** Also posted to my LJ & comms. Please ask if you want to share it :)

** Dedication:** To all fellow Renji/Ichigo fangirls/guys out there. We know it's impossible, we know it's silly, and we know it's _damned hot!_

** A/N:** My Bleach OTP is RenRuki, but I'm hooked on fandom Renji/Ichigo (ya ya I say this for each story, so what! ) After much blushing and chickening out (and wine), I managed to write the smut. Go me! Why is it so much harder to write than to read? Although come to think of it, the first time I read RenjixIchigo smut I did so peering between my fingers as I covered my eyes, and I'm pretty sure all the blood in my body was in my face - that might explain the swooning.

**

* * *

**

**Chapter 8 - Reassurance**

Another shower was definitely in order before they headed to the Kurosaki family residence to do some laundry and enjoy Yuzu's promised dinner.

Renji looked surprised when Ichigo followed him into the bathroom. "Eh?"

"No time for two showers… we'll just have to share." Ichigo grinned at him. Renji eyed the tiny shower cubicle, and a wicked smirk grew widely on his face.

They _did_ manage to tidy up and get dressed in a decent amount of time, but they intended to explore the full potential of the little shower more thoroughly later on.

On the way to Ichigo's family home they appeared much as any other pair of friends out for a walk. Neither of them really went in for public displays of physical affection, and out of those people in town who had the ability to sense spirit power, only a select few of those would even be able to notice the minute tendrils of energy linking them together. They obviously couldn't walk around fully meshed all the time, but they were loathe to give up the intimate contact entirely.

Ichigo paused in front of the door. "You ready for this?"

Renji nodded. "We've faced Hollows, arrancar, Aizen… what's there t' worry abou—"

"ICHIGOOOOOOOOOOO!" The door flew open and Ichigo was tackled by a blur that resembled his father.

"Renji-nii-san!" Yuzu's voice rang as she launched herself excitedly. Renji grinned and caught the girl easily, swinging her up on his shoulders.

"Hey Yu-chan! Whatcha cookin'?"

"Guess!"

"Aww, ya know I ain't good at that, I need a hint." Renji set Yuzu back on her feet next to Karin, whom he greeted with a pat on the head that mussed her hair. She scowled at him, and he made an even fiercer face back before they both burst out laughing – a routine they'd grown fond of over the summer.

"Ahh! _Get the hell off me you crazy bastard!_" Ichigo finally planted his foot in Isshin's face, launching him into the air. "This is why I moved out!"

"Ichigo, you are so strong, you make your Papa proud!" Isshin crowed.

Ichigo gave up and laughed. "Yeah, 's good to see you, too, Pop." He stepped over his father, who was still sprawled on the ground, to greet Karin.

"Hi Ichi-nii!" Karin gave him a hug, smirking at Yuzu's excitement.

"Afternoon, Kurosaki-san," Renji offered his greeting to Isshin, who had leapt to his feet.

"Welcome home, Abarai-kun! Ah, but we are family now, call me Papa and I will call you my beloved son!" Isshin threw his arm around the startled shinigami. "Relax, Renji! Ichigo, tell your lover not to be so uptight!"

Isshin's sharp senses hadn't missed anything. It was easy to forget that Ichigo's eccentric father was also a powerful shinigami.

Renji opened his mouth a few times but nothing came out. Karin was still smirking, and Yuzu just looked stunned.

"Dammit don't just say things like that all of a sudden!" Ichigo yelled.

"Ah my son, do not be ashamed of your love! Your mother would be so happy!"

"Argh! I ain't ashamed, it's just not somethin' you should be announcin' in the doorway!" Ichigo had already decided that he would never deny it – the warmth that pulsed through their light connection relayed Renji's agreement and approval.

"So… it's true?" Yuzu's voice was curiously shy.

"Well… yeah." Ichigo scratched the back of his head nervously. "Are you ok with that?"

Yuzu looked at Renji, who had finally escaped her father's embrace. "Renji…nii?"

"Yu-chan…"

"Why?"

"Uh… 'cause…"

"Why _Ichi-nii?_" Yuzu wrinkled her nose. "Eww!"

Karin nodded. 'Yeah, I'm sure you could find a nicer guy if you tried." The sisters giggled together.

Renji laughed and scooped Yuzu up again. "Can't explain it, Yu-chan. Guess I just got weird taste."

"Hey, I'm right here!" Ichigo protested, but he was grinning.

"An' I'm hungry." Renji announced. "Ya wouldn't believe what this guy calls supper. Yu-chan, tell me ya got some taiyaki hidden for me, _please_."

"Yup!" They headed into the house.

"Hello!"

"Give it up, Ichi-nii. You can't just compete with Yuzu's taiyaki and spending time with Renji-nii." Karin grinned up at him as he pushed her shoulder playfully and steered her inside.

**

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**

Dinner was a boisterous affair. Their conversations wandered through each other aimlessly, somehow managing to make sense despite running in three different directions at once. Renji fit right into the erratic Kurosaki household, and Ichigo was gratified to see how well the most important people in his life interacted with each other.

Between doing the laundry, enjoying Yuzu's meal, and catching up on news of friends and family, the afternoon and evening had passed quickly. Isshin insisted on embracing them again as they left, to Ichigo's chagrin and Renji's obvious amusement. "Make sure you visit us again the next time you are in town!" he called after them.

_When he is in town…?_ That triggered another memory; Chad's words came back to Ichigo. _"…they are only here now. We will still be here when they are gone."_

Renji would be going back to Soul Society in a couple of weeks. That was something they hadn't discussed yet.

They were silent on the walk home. Ichigo's apprehension was softened by the calm and surety he felt Renji projecting, but he couldn't help wondering how they were going to handle being apart for… well how _were_ they going to see each other?

Ichigo gathered his thoughts. _This is worth having, and I'm going to fight for it, whatever it takes._

As the door to Ichigo's flat closed behind them, Ichigo felt Renji's reiatsu surround him completely, warm and comforting, and he reached out to embrace it with his own. He kicked off his shoes and sat on the edge of his bed.

"Relax," Renji settled beside him, leaning his shoulder against Ichigo's. "Don't start borrowin' trouble we ain't got."

"I'm just wondering how… well…" Ichigo shrugged. "It's gonna be hard to stay in touch. When you go back." He made a face. "What a stupid way to say how bad I'm gonna miss you when you hafta go."

"Well it ain't gonna be fun, but ya know it ain't so hard gettin' over here now. I got responsibilities, yeah, but I got time off like anyone else. I can come back every month or two for a weekend. At least." Renji grinned. "I'd miss ya too much for any less."

"Once a month, huh?" Ichigo mused. That wouldn't be so bad.

"An' you can come t' Soul Society when ya got time. Door's always open for ya, ya know that." Renji sounded very confident that this would be manageable, and Ichigo couldn't help but feel better about the whole thing.

"Besides," Renji continued. "We got a long time t' work out the kinks." Renji nudged his shoulder playfully and winked. "Remember?" Their combined energies pulsed suggestively.

Ichigo grinned back.

Forever was long enough not to worry about the future.

**

* * *

**

**Omake**  
_Ch 8 omake_

Yuzu: Yay we got to be in the story, Karin!

Karin: Too bad ol' Goat-face had to be there, too.

Ichigo: . /snicker/

Renji: Hey cmon, he ain't that bad, really.

Ichigo: You just like him 'cause he gives you dirty magazines.

Isshin: Ahh my sons, Papa needs to have a very important talk with you! Look, I have visual aids! . /holds up video and anatomically correct dolls/

Akuni: Noooooo! RUN! Oh god my eyes!

Renji/Ichigo: Ahhhhh! . /runs/

Yuzu/Karin: Daaaaaaad!

/somewhere safely away from Isshin's wackiness/

Akuni: Well that's the end of 'Nexus'. We hope you enjoyed it, and will join us for the sequel!

Renji: Wait, sequel?

Ichigo: Sequel?

Akuni: Uh huh! There are too many things left unresolved.

Ichigo: Like what?

Renji: Yeah, like what? We had all that damn angst, and then finally the awesome sex—

Ichigo: _Awesome_ sex.

Renji: —and then everyone lived happily ever after. What more do ya need?

Akuni: Don't you want to know what the crisis was that called Shuuhei and the others back to Soul Society? And what about poor Kira? And how the two of you are going to make this really long distance relationship work?

Renji: Huh.

Ichigo: Well I guess we could stick around for that, eh Renji?

Renji: Aw, ok. But we have a condition.

Akuni: Condition? What's that?

Renji/Ichigo: More amazing sex, please!

Akuni: … Deal!

END

**

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**

A/N2: There is additional information about this story posted on my LJ that doesn't fit into the FFNet format. Things like the layout to Ichigo's apartment, the lyrics to the Nexus theme song, official Nexus **artwork** by my wonderful beta Shelagh, and omg **FANART** by people who read the story and were inspired by it. It really is worth taking a look, so please go check it out.

link to Nexus main story page: akuni . livejournal . com / 3994 . html  
(sorry bout the formatting, it won't take my url)


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